A Soliton and its owned Bions (Awareness and Mind) – part 7


9.7 Allocation Changes during Growth and Aging

Regarding how the awareness-particle input channels are allocated among the various mind-parts, different changes happen at different times in one’s life, with most or all of the substantial changes (changes that are noticeable) happening during growth and aging. The in-between period, between the allocation changes that happen during growth and aging, begins sometime after puberty and extends until one reaches the first substantial allocation changes that happen during middle age.

Puberty—defined as the period during which one becomes capable of sexual reproduction—has both physical changes and allocation changes. The allocation changes include giving the sexual mind-part a substantial share of the awareness-particle input channels. Among the allocations to the sexual mind-part are allocations for carrying the feelings of sexual desire and attraction, and also allocations for feeling sexual pleasure, including an allocation for the orgasm feeling.[138]

Prior to puberty, children have much fewer awareness-particle input channels allocated to the sexual mind-part. However, given that there are many statements by mothers remarking how their infants and young children like to play with their genitals, this suggests that prior to puberty at least some awareness-particle input channels have already been allocated for carrying feelings of sexual pleasure. Some of the other parts of the sexual mind-part may also have nonzero allocations prior to puberty, although these allocations are much smaller than what is allocated at the time of puberty.

Puberty is when the single largest increase in allocations to the sexual mind-part happens, but there may be additional allocation increases that happen in the years immediately after puberty, since it seems typical for sexual desire and attraction to grow and blossom in the immediately following years. However, regardless, any additional allocation increases to the sexual mind-part are probably completed well before the sexual peak is reached, which for average caucasian males is said to be about age 19 (puberty for them happens at about age 12).

As was explained in section 9.6, the allocation of awareness-particle input channels is a zero-sum game. What is allocated to one mind-part must be taken from one or more other mind-parts. This means that the allocation increases for the sexual mind-part are offset by allocation decreases in one or more other mind-parts. A likely candidate for the source of a substantial fraction of the awareness-particle input channels that are shifted to the sexual mind-part is the mind-part involved in learning new spoken languages.

Very young children easily learn whatever spoken languages they are exposed to, and this implies a substantial allocation of awareness-particle input channels to the mind-part involved in learning new spoken languages. For the average person, this ability to learn a new spoken language is substantially less after puberty, and continues to decline in the following years, and by adulthood this ability to learn a new spoken language is mostly gone.[139]

There are certainly more allocation changes that happen as one grows from an infant to an adult, at different points along the way, involving various mind-parts, but the two allocation changes described above—allocation increases for the sexual mind-part, and allocation decreases for the mind-part involved in learning new spoken languages—are easy to see and understand, and they happen to most people.

During the growth period from an infant to an adult, there are physical changes, allocation changes, and other changes that are neither physical changes nor allocation changes (for example, the higher average rate at which data is fed to the soliton when one is a child—mentioned in section 6.3—is neither a physical change nor an allocation change). Similarly, during the aging period from the start of middle age until death from old age, there are physical changes, allocation changes, and other changes that are neither physical changes nor allocation changes.

In 2001 (at age 45) I wrote about my own entry into middle age as follows:

With middle age comes changes: both the mind and the body decline in various ways. I entered middle age about a month after my 41st birthday, undergoing the various body changes—such as a decrease in how much the bladder can empty—that are described in the medical literature. Also, in my first month of middle age, my former ability to do mental work about 70 hours per week—in my case, programming work—rapidly declined to about 40 hours per week (after I had experienced this mental-work decline, which has remained unchanged since then, I understood where the 40-hour work-week came from).

Although for the most part the big middle-age changes that I experienced happened to me in that first month of middle age, there have been a few lesser changes that have happened in the last few years.

One thing I remember telling people the first year or two after my entry into middle age, is that during my twenties I had an excess of physical energy; during my thirties the excess energy was gone but nothing was missing (there were no deficits, and everything still worked the same); but upon my entry into middle age, that was my first big experience with the negative effects of aging. I had substantially less physical energy, and I had specific physical deficits in the sense that certain specific body functions were no longer working as well or effortlessly as they used to.[140],[141]

About 1½ years after my entry into middle age, at about age 42½, I suddenly lost my interest in listening to music and watching movies. At the time of that loss, there were no physical changes, illnesses, dietary changes, or other changes happening in my life. Thus, my previous interest in listening to music and watching movies simply disappeared with no apparent cause, other than that I was getting older. This loss of interest has remained with me unchanged for the last seven years (I am writing this at about age 49½).

My current thinking about that loss is that it was probably due to an allocation change. More specifically, before my loss I probably had an allocation of awareness-particle input channels for carrying a pleasure feeling whose intensity was based on whatever criteria the relevant mind-part was using to judge how good a piece of music was. Thus, I listened to music I liked because I was getting pleasure from listening to that music. But once that allocation was gone, so was the pleasure, and my reason for listening to music.[142],[143] The simultaneous loss of my prior interest in watching movies—more specifically, I had a decades-long habit of going at least once a month to a movie theater to watch a movie—was probably also due to my loss of interest in music, because the movies I watched typically had a lot of music in them, and those movie theaters all had good sound systems.

At about age 45½ my orgasm disappeared, with noticeable reallocation effects afterwards, as described in section 9.6. At about age 48½ (around late March/early April 2004), I underwent another big change. Knowing that I would probably want to write about it in the next edition of this book, I wrote the following account on August 16, 2004 (edited for improved readability and clarity):

I finally came to the conclusion that the smells in the kitchen refrigerator and elsewhere in the house, starting roughly two months ago, is because my sense of smell has improved compared to my previous sense of smell.

Note that around late March/early April I knew I was changing in some negative ways, because it seemed that my sexual interest had dropped down greatly compared to my previous level of sexual interest (this drop did not recover, it is still there now, five months later). This drop reminds me of the much smaller sexual-interest drop that coincided with or followed my orgasm loss at age 45½. So, since my entry into middle age, this is the second time my sexual-interest level has undergone a significant noticeable decrease that is permanent.

So, I have now put 2 and 2 together, and I understand that the improvement in my sense of smell, which became noticeable roughly two months ago, is a result of a reallocation of awareness-particle input channels that were previously allocated to my sexual mind-part. And so, like for the time between my orgasm loss and noticing game-playing improvement, roughly three months had elapsed. So, in both cases the reallocation process took roughly three months.

added August 27, 2004:

I also think my ambition drive (trying to be descriptive) is weaker now (I had already noticed this when I wrote the August 16 comment, but I had no description for it). So, given my sexual-interest decline and ambition decline that happened back around early April, I can see how I am heading toward becoming how old men seem: sexual interest at 0 (like was described in Plato’s dialog), and a mild manner (ambition and competitiveness are at 0).

It is now mid-April 2005 as I write this paragraph, and I want to comment on a few things in my above statement. My sense of smell did indeed improve greatly compared to what it was previously. Many times last year, both indoors and outdoors, I was actively walking around, investigating, smelling different things, and noting smells and scents that were new to me. The newness of my improved sense of smell has since worn off, and I am used to it now. Note that my statement in section 9.6—my sensory and motor deficits include: a weak sense of smell; a below-average sense of taste; low athletic ability—was written by me in March 2004 for the 9th edition of this book. I no longer have a weak sense of smell, but I did when I wrote that. I guess my sense of smell is now close to being average, or at least a lot closer to being average than it was, since I can now smell the same things that other people smell and talk about, which was not the case before. Note that I had learned early in my life that I had a weak sense of smell, because many times in my life I have been in the company of other people who were talking about smells, such as food smells, that either I could not smell at all or could only smell weakly if I got close enough.

About the decline in my ambition: Either coincident with, or shortly after the late March/early April 2004 changes that happened to me, I knew I had changed in a big way, but it took time for me to understand and verbalize to myself how I had changed. The sexual-interest decline was quickly apparent and easy to state. But I had also changed in a way that was not easy for me to see and state. Thus, it was not until about five months after those changes that I was ready to explain that other big change as being a substantial decline in my ambition.

In terms of allocation changes, middle age includes a reallocation away from the sexual mind-part. There may also be reallocations away from certain other mind-parts, which in my case included the music-pleasure and ambition mind-parts. More recently, around the beginning of 2005 at age 49, I had a reallocation away from whichever of my mind-parts allowed me to intensely concentrate.[144]

It is said that one grows wise with age. When I was young, I just assumed that insofar as this saying is true, the reason for it is simply accumulated life experience. Certainly, life experience is an important factor in being wise. However, given that middle age sees a reallocation away from the sexual mind-part, this means that as men and women pass thru middle age, they are going to see increased allocations for one or more other mind-parts, some of which may be mind-parts involved with wisdom, including whatever mind-parts are involved with understanding, judgment, and being knowledgeable.

Although the large allocation losses for the sexual mind-part during middle age are easy to see, typically less obvious and easy to see are where the deallocated awareness-particle input channels are reallocated to. Based on my own experience so far, it seems that reallocations tend to go where one has the greatest allocation deficits compared to what an average person of one’s gender, race, and nation would have in terms of their allocations. In my own case, it was only because I had some big allocation deficits compared to the average, and two of these big allocation deficits were each largely erased in their entirety by a single reallocation, that I experienced such big and easy-to-see reallocation changes. Thus, after my orgasm loss at age 45½ and the consequent reallocation, I quickly went from being a long-time very-weak first-person-shooter computer-game player who had to use the lowest difficulty settings and god-mode cheats to have any chance of being able to get thru the game, to being a good player of about average ability who was able to consistently get thru these games with my newfound skills and abilities, playing at normal difficulty settings without any cheats.[145] Similarly, after the large decline in my ambition and sexual interest at age 48½ and the consequent reallocation, I quickly went from having a weak sense of smell to having a sense of smell that is much closer to average than it was. But besides these reallocation-caused changes in my game-playing ability and sense of smell, I also had a few smaller and less-obvious reallocation-caused changes elsewhere.[146],[147] Also, note that I never had any conscious choice about any of the reallocations that have happened in my life.[148]

My experience with my own middle-age reallocation changes was that there was typically a delay of about three months after the allocation loss before I noticed an allocation gain elsewhere. However, at least some reallocations can happen with very little delay, if any, between the allocation loss and the allocation gain. One such rapid reallocation is when a woman becomes pregnant and there is a large increase in her sense of smell and a coincident loss typically in one or more mental abilities.[149],[150]

After middle age comes old age, during which there are probably additional allocation changes for those who live long enough to experience them. At some point during old age, if not sooner, comes death and the afterlife. During the afterlife there are probably allocation changes that make the allocation changes of middle age and old age seem small in comparison. Specifically, after first the physical body and then the bion-body are, in effect, abandoned, the allocations that one still had when one abandoned one’s physical body, for carrying body feelings and localization data to the awareness, are available to be reallocated elsewhere.[151] In addition, the allocations that one still had when one abandoned one’s physical body, for carrying the sense of smell and the sense of taste to the awareness are also available to be reallocated elsewhere. And also available to be reallocated elsewhere, is the allocation that one still had when one abandoned one’s physical body, for carrying to the awareness data from the mind-part involved with voluntary control over muscle movements (an athletic person would have a bigger allocation for this than a non-athletic person like myself).

So, where do these after-death reallocations go? Note that out-of-body projectionists cannot answer this question from their own experience, because they still have their physical body that they return to after their out-of-body projection ends. Thus, no alive human can say from his own direct experience how greatly his mind, as experienced by his awareness, is enhanced in the afterlife, until sometime after his death. However, given the body-related allocations described in the previous paragraph (body feelings and localization data, sense of smell, sense of taste, and input data needed for voluntary control of muscles), for a typical after-death human, what is the total number of his awareness-particle input channels that were body-related allocations at the time of his death, but are available to be reallocated elsewhere after his death? My very rough estimate is that this total number is about one million awareness-particle input channels. Perhaps some of this after-death reallocation happens during the bion-body stage of the afterlife, but whether or not it does, I think it very likely that all the body-related allocations that one had at the time of one’s physical death, will have been reallocated elsewhere no later than very early in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife.

At the onset of the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, because one no longer has a body, neither a physical body nor an afterlife bion-body, the after-death reallocations have nowhere to go except to one’s mental abilities. Thus, for a typical person, as experienced by his awareness, there are large increases in the areas of intelligence, memory recall, and perhaps also certain emotions.[152],[153],[154],[155],[156],[157],[158]


footnotes

[138] In this section, as a literary convenience, allocated awareness-particle input channels are said to carry the perceived end-result of the data they carry to the awareness, instead of being said to carry the data that causes that perception in the awareness. Thus, for example, “carrying the feelings of sexual desire and attraction” instead of “carrying the data that causes the feelings of sexual desire and attraction.” Doing this avoids excessive repetition of such phrases as “the data that causes.”

Also in this section, each instance of the word reallocations (and likewise for the singular reallocation) has one of two meanings:

  1. The word reallocations is referring to both sides of the allocation ledger: the functional part or parts of the mind that had the allocation decrease (loss); and also the functional part or parts of the mind that had the consequent allocation increase (gain). Regarding the number of awareness-particle input channels involved in this reallocation, the total allocation increase equals the total allocation decrease.

  2. The word reallocations is referring to only the gain side of the allocation ledger: the functional part or parts of the mind that had an allocation increase (gain). This allocation increase is a consequence of an earlier allocation decrease (loss) by one or more other functional parts of the mind.

The intended meaning for each instance should be clear from the context or larger context. Or, if it is not clear, assume whichever meaning is most reasonable for that context.

[139] I’m like most people in that I lost my ability to easily learn a new spoken language as I grew older (the Spanish courses I had in high-school, and also the four semesters of German I had in college, were a complete waste of time as I quickly forgot what I had learned, and I never could say that rolling-r sound that Spanish has, nor pronounce German too well; I was already too old). However, given the explanation that this loss was due to a reallocation of awareness-particle input channels elsewhere, away from the mind-part involved in learning new spoken languages, this implies that the unconscious mind still has the capability to support easy learning of a new spoken language, since there is no reason to presume any changes in the underlying programming and algorithms that were involved when one was young and able to easily learn a new spoken language.

Presumably, if my awareness-particle input channels were reallocated so that the mind-part involved in learning new spoken languages had the same allocations it had when I was a child, then my ability to easily learn a new spoken language would return. Well, no such allocation changes have happened, and no such allocation changes are expected during the remainder of my current life. However, in late 2004 I got an unexpected personal demonstration that my unconscious mind can still do what is needed for the easy learning of a new spoken language, at least for that part of learning a new spoken language for which I still had an abundant allocation of awareness-particle input channels, which in my case was simply my hearing. In anticipation that I would probably want to discuss this personal experience in the next edition of this book, I wrote a detailed account of my experience about a week after it happened (the written account is dated November 16, 2004, which means I wrote it on my 49th birthday). Here it is (edited for improved readability and clarity):

In early July 2004 I got a broadband internet connection [this cable-modem was much faster than the dial-up modem I had been using previously for internet access]. Soon afterwards I tried file-sharing [BitTorrent] for the first time, and I soon discovered a huge world of Japanese anime that I could download and watch. I have long been a fan of Japanese anime, but my only experience with it up until that point had been some series and movies that I had seen on TV, and they had all been translated and dubbed into English.

Initially, I just downloaded Japanese anime that had been dubbed into English, because that is what I was already used to, and English is the only language I know, but soon I was downloading and watching fansubbed anime (the original unedited Japanese-language version, with English subtitles added by anime fans, hence the word fansubbed).

Watching fansubbed anime was my first exposure to the spoken form of the Japanese language. Initially, spoken Japanese sounded musical and beautiful to me, but that impression soon wore off after watching a few episodes and hearing about an hour total of spoken Japanese. Also, spoken Japanese all ran together: when a character was speaking, I only heard a continuous stream of sound with no word breaks; the only noticeable breaks happened when the speaker briefly stopped speaking, at what I guess was an occasional phrase or sentence break (people often pause when speaking, if for no other reason than to catch their breath so they can resume speaking).

This condition of hearing spoken Japanese as a continuous stream persisted and I got used to it. But in early November 2004, after having watched in total what I later estimated to be somewhere between 30 and 40 hours of fansubbed anime, while in the middle of watching an episode, I suddenly got quite a surprise when all of a sudden I went from hearing spoken Japanese as continuous, to hearing spoken Japanese as having what I presume were word breaks (at least, that is where my unconscious mind thought the word breaks were), as if a switch had suddenly been turned on.

At the time, I recognized the significance and underlying reason for this event, because just about a week earlier during my daily web-browsing habit, which includes checking Slashdot, I had seen How Infants Crack the Speech Code, which referred to Early Language Acquisition: Cracking The Speech Code, which says:

Infants learn language with remarkable speed … New data show that infants use computational strategies to detect the statistical and prosodic patterns in language input, and that this leads to the discovery of phonemes and words. …

Each language uses a unique set of about 40 phonemes, and infants must learn to partition varied speech sounds into these phonemic categories. …

There is evidence that infants analyse the statistical distributions of sounds that they hear in ambient language, and use this information to form phonemic categories. They also learn phonotactic rules—language-specific rules that govern the sequences of phonemes that can be used to compose words.

To identify word boundaries, infants can use both transitional probabilities between syllables, and prosodic cues, which relate to linguistic stress. Most languages are dominated by either trochaic words (with the stress on the first syllable) or iambic ones (with the stress on later syllables). Infants seem to use a combination of statistical and prosodic cues to segment words in speech.

Ever since that moment when I started hearing what I assume were word breaks in spoken Japanese, I have no conscious control over this process, and I cannot turn it off, just like I cannot control or stop the word breaks that I hear in spoken English. This is like so much of the mental processing that takes place in our unconscious minds, in that we have no conscious control over it. Instead, we just get the final product of all that mental processing, sent to the awareness in a form that causes the perceptions that we experience.

At the time I am writing this footnote, in late March 2005, which is about 4½ months after I began hearing spoken Japanese with word breaks, I am still watching Japanese fansubbed anime (I watch about 1 to 1½ hours a night, when I eat my dinner), and nothing has changed in how I hear spoken Japanese, other than that I quickly got used to hearing it with word breaks, although I guess my unconscious mind is now doing a better job of deciding where the word breaks are, since I have heard many more hours of spoken Japanese in these last few months (it wouldn’t surprise me if my unconscious mind is making at least a few mistakes regarding where the spoken-Japanese word breaks are, but I wouldn’t know since I only consciously recognize and know the meaning of maybe half-a-dozen spoken Japanese words; my tiny Japanese vocabulary was learned by matching the English subtitle with the heard Japanese word).

[140] Regarding my entry into middle age, the decline in how many hours of mental work I could do per week certainly had a cause, but I do not see this cause as involving or requiring allocation changes.

[141] Regarding the cause of aging, there are many reasons to believe that aging is programmed, including the following:

  • programmed cell death (aka apoptosis)

    Within multicellular organisms, it is commonplace for cells to die deliberately. For an organism during its development, apoptosis is used in different places at different times to remove and/or sculpt tissue into the wanted final form. An oft given example is the apoptosis of tissue between the wanted digits of what will become a terminal appendage such as a paw or hand. At times other than early development, such as for an adult organism, apoptosis is ongoing as an offset to ongoing cell division which adds new cells. The idea is to keep the total number of cells of the given type constant. In healthy adult humans, high rates of ongoing cell division and offsetting apoptosis happen in a number of different places, including the blood and its associated bone marrow, the skin, and the intestinal lining.

  • childhood progeria

    This is a very rare condition, described as follows by The Progeria Research Foundation:

    Although they are born looking healthy, children with Progeria begin to display many characteristics of accelerated aging at around 18-24 months of age. Progeria signs include growth failure, loss of body fat and hair, aged-looking skin, stiffness of joints, hip dislocation, generalized atherosclerosis, cardiovascular (heart) disease and stroke. The children have a remarkably similar appearance, despite differing ethnic background. Children with Progeria die of atherosclerosis (heart disease) at an average age of thirteen years (with a range of about 8 – 21 years). [What is Progeria? at http://www.progeriaresearch.org/what_is_progeria.shtml]

  • the appearance of a consistent aging plan for the species, instead of the appearance of random breakdowns and failures

    The only real alternative to saying that aging is programmed is to say that aging is the result of an ongoing accumulation of random breakdowns and failures in the organism’s various systems (these systems are composed of cells). The causes of these random breakdowns and failures would be whatever physical causes one wants to imagine for them, such as imagining the buildup over time of poisonous molecules in the cells, or imagining random errors in such things as DNA transcription, resulting in defective proteins being made.

    If aging were the result of an ongoing accumulation of random breakdowns and failures within cells, then one would expect to see randomness regarding which systems are affected, how they are affected, and when they are affected, when looking at a large population of a given species, such as the human species. However, as I know from my own aging experience so far, the physical changes I have experienced were just those very specific physical changes that are described in the medical literature as typical for a man of my age.

    For those who are familiar with the large number and variety of different physical systems in the body, if aging were caused or mostly caused by an ongoing accumulation of random breakdowns and failures in the organism’s cells, then one would expect to see much more randomness as to which systems are affected, how they are affected, and the ages at which they are affected. But this is not the case. Instead, one sees an aging plan for the species that targets specific systems for specific kinds of degradation at specific ages as one grows older.

    The suddenness of many aging effects is another thing that seems inconsistent with the idea that aging effects are the result of an ongoing accumulation of random breakdowns and failures in cells. My own experience with certain physical aging effects, including the decrease in how much my bladder can empty, the decrease in my ejaculate volume, and the appearance of age lines on my face, is that for each of these aging effects, when that aging effect happened, it happened over a very short time frame of at most a few days, and then that specific degradation remained unchanged for many years afterwards, neither lessening nor worsening.

Given that aging is programmed, and given bions, one’s aging plan is carried out by the cell-controlling bions of one’s physical body. Regarding aging changes to one’s physical body, the cell-controlling bions of one’s physical body make those changes. Regarding the form and residence of the aging plan for one’s physical body, perhaps that aging plan is in one’s DNA, encoded somewhere in the so-called “junk” DNA whose language is presently unknown (section 2.6). Or, if not encoded in one’s DNA, then perhaps there is a learned program for the aging of the human body, among all the other learned programs that the cell-controlling bions of one’s human body have.

As a rule, multicellular plants and animals, especially among those that are big enough to be easily seen by us without magnification, have a limited lifespan and undergo an aging process that ends in death. I think the single best explanation for why aging happens is found in the expression out with the old, in with the new. The same creativity, in terms of learned programs and the evolution of learned programs, that bions had in the remote past to create and evolve the first cellular life, has remained active ever since and that creativity does not want, in effect, to rest on its laurels. As the early biosphere filled up with organic life, the aging of complex multicellular organisms was probably developed and evolved by cell-controlling bions as a way to help keep the biosphere from becoming clogged up with a bunch of large (compared to the young of each species), old, never-dying, plants and animals. In such an environment, filled up with large, old, never-dying, plants and animals, innovation in design becomes more difficult, and also, there would be much less opportunity for young offspring to survive and grow, because the environment is already filled up with the old, that, because they aren’t aging and becoming less capable of surviving, have all the advantages compared to the young. Thus, in general, the aging process, in which animals and plants have a limited lifespan, avoids stagnation of the biosphere.

Given the previous paragraph, the following is a possible scenario as to how aging first came about: Let’s assume that there were no aging plans in the early biosphere and it did become filled up with large, old, never-dying, plants and animals. In this environment, there is an opportunity for a new design: a small parasite that is a fast breeder with a short lifespan, that specifically targets one of the large animals or plants that is currently widespread in the biosphere. The short lifespan prevents this parasite from becoming stagnant in terms of its design, which allows the bions of this parasite to make quick adjustments to the parasite’s design details, so as to maintain an overall advantage against its targeted animal or plant species. The end result is that once this fast-breeder-with-a-short-lifespan strategy proved successful, other parasite designs copied this strategy, with the end result that all those large, old, never-dying, plants and animals, were completely wiped out. To compete with this successful fast-breeder-with-a-short-lifespan strategy, non-parasitic plants and animals simply copied the same strategy of a limited lifespan, with the end result that aging is everywhere.

[142] Back when I lost my interest in listening to music, I was reminded of the commonplace stereotype of old people who only listen to music that they heard when they were young. I soon found myself in that same situation. After I lost my interest in listening to music, I rarely listened to music, but when I did listen to music, I wanted to listen to music that I heard and liked when I was young, in my teens or twenties.

Since my loss, I don’t feel any pleasure when I listen to the music from my youth, so why do I have that preference? Well, I no longer feel any pleasure from listening to any music, but I used to have that pleasure, so a possible reason for my preference is that I am returning to what used to give me pleasure, even though it no longer gives me pleasure. Another reason, and this reason is often mentioned by old people, is that it brings back memories of their youth. In my own case, when I listen to music that I liked when I was young, I tend to recall and think about my life from those times.

Even though I no longer feel any pleasure from listening to music, I can still listen to new music and judge whether it is good or bad. For example, about ten days before writing this footnote—I am writing this footnote in early April 2005—I got an email from someone who sent me some links to some music he had created. In his email he said he was a musician and he wanted to give me some of his music in exchange for my writings which he liked. Well, since he put it like that, I kinda felt like I should listen to his music even though I didn’t want to. So, I listened once to each of the four pieces of music he had given me links to.

Those four pieces of music were a kind of music I hadn’t heard before. He had described it as “acid techno and industrial.” Three of the pieces sounded good to me (surprisingly good), and one piece sounded bad, and I knew what I didn’t like about that bad piece. But after fulfilling my self-imposed obligation, I had no desire to listen again to any of his music, since listening to music no longer gives me any pleasure.

Given my own experience, and also given the need for dedicated allocations to avoid channel-sharing conflicts (section 9.6), it follows that the allocation of awareness-particle input channels for carrying to the awareness music-listening pleasure (or displeasure) is separate from whatever allocations are involved in carrying to the awareness a rational judgment and critique of that music. However, presumably the same music-judging mind-part is the primary source for both the explicit rational judgment and critique of a piece of music and the implicit judgment of felt pleasure (or displeasure) for that piece of music, which is why both the explicit and implicit judgments of a piece of music always coincide and agree. In the felt-pleasure (or displeasure) case, that music-judging mind-part sends that feeling directly to the awareness, but in the rational judgment and critique case, that music-judging mind-part is just an input to some other mind-part that constructs the rational judgment and critique and sends it to the awareness.

[143] Given the gender basis of the three races (section 9.2), and given the strong association that the african race has with music, it seems likely that the african race has the biggest allocation of awareness-particle input channels for carrying the music-listening pleasure feeling to the awareness, the oriental race has the smallest allocation, and the caucasian race is in-between. This also agrees with my own observation that men, on average, are more into music than women. Presumably, men are more into music because they are getting a bigger reward from music, feeling more pleasure when listening to whatever their minds judge as good music. Note that the pleasure one feels from listening to music is also a motivator for creating new music. Thus, africans, on average, are more motivated to create new music than the other two races, and men, on average, are more motivated to create new music than women.

[144] Around the beginning of 2005 at age 49, I lost my previous ability to intensely concentrate. At the time, this change went largely unnoticed by me, because its primary effect was that I was simply no longer concentrating like I used to when I did my work. At the time it just seemed to me like I didn’t want to concentrate any more. Thus, for most of 2005 I didn’t see the change as an actual loss, although it was, because, as I write this footnote in June 2006, about 1½ years have passed, and the state of intense concentration that prior to 2005 I used to enter easily when doing certain intellectual tasks—including such things as my programming work and in general whenever I wanted to think deeply about something—is now just a memory for me, because I can no longer concentrate like that, and I haven’t done so for the last 1½ years. Just to be clear, I can still concentrate, but just not intensely like I used to.

I guess my current ability to concentrate is about average for a man of my nationality, whereas before 2005 it was well above average, because I’ve known for a long time that most people couldn’t concentrate like I could. Prior to 2005 it was routine for me to concentrate so intensely that I had to take precautions so that I wouldn’t be disturbed while in that state, because if I were disturbed by such things as a phone ringing or someone unexpectedly talking to me, I would have what I called the startle reaction where I would kinda jump with shock as my intense concentration was broken.

Apparently, the ability to concentrate requires an allocation of awareness-particle input channels. In my own case, around the beginning of 2005 I lost much of my previous allocation for concentration. This allocation loss was apparently reallocated elsewhere in a way that greatly lessened a memory deficit I had: my memory deficit was a very below-average ability to remember text sequences. In June 2005 I noticed the memory improvements enough to write about them. Here are the notes I wrote on June 5, 2005 (edited for improved readability and clarity):

This morning, prior to getting out of bed, I was recalling some sentences from my book [I mean this book, for which I had just finished work on the 10th edition about a month previous], and I knew I was recalling those sentences verbatim. It soon occurred to me that this was something new for me, because in the past I could never recall anything from my own writings verbatim unless it was a very short phrase of at most a few words.

As I thought about it, while still lying in bed prior to getting up, I tried to remember how long this had been going on, and I thought I was also recalling sentences verbatim prior to today, but I’m not sure. Regardless, this morning is the first time I noticed this verbatim recall of more than a few words. As I sit here writing this now, it occurred to me to do a simple test of my memory, so I picked up a sheet of technical documentation that I last read a few months ago, and I selected and silently read once to myself, at my normal reading speed, a sentence I chose at random from the middle of that page. I put the page down and then tried to recall that sentence I had just read, and I was surprised to see that I was able to recall what I thought was the entire sentence. I immediately checked my recall by rereading that sentence (the sentence is 20 words long). I had made a few mistakes, but even so, this level of recall is definitely new for me, because I could never do anywhere close to this good in the past.

Up until now, prior to this improvement in my recall ability, I used to tell others that I could never recall anything verbatim, which was true. This inability to recall verbatim included my own writings and all other writings, and also anything spoken or said by myself or others. So, up until now I always had to paraphrase when I remembered something I had read or heard, because I could never recall anything verbatim no matter how little time had passed, even if only seconds had passed since reading or hearing it and then trying to recall it verbatim. I think my previous verbatim recall ability was far below average, but now it seems I got a reallocation from somewhere (I don’t know where), and my verbatim recall ability is now closer to being average. Actually, it just occurred to me that I did notice once or twice while I was doing that three-week [programming] job, which I finished two days ago, that my memory seemed better, but I didn’t think any more about it at that time, perhaps because I was very focused on doing that job. So, this improved recall looks very real, but I have no idea where the reallocation came from. What mind-part lost the allocation that my recall mind-part [more specifically, the mind-part responsible for recalling a sequence of symbols] ended up getting? Well, whatever. But I’m glad to have this improved recall, because I always knew I was weak there.

The above notes talk specifically about a substantial improvement in my ability to remember word sequences, but my recall improvement is for any sequence of symbols, including sequences of letters and digits. For example, before this recall improvement, I was unable to read a several-digit number and remember that number long enough to type it into the computer a few seconds later (even a two-digit number was a problem for me). Thus, I was in the habit of always reading the number and typing it in at the same time, digit by digit, and then I would double or triple check that the number I typed in and see on the screen matches the number on the printed page. Now, after my recall improvement that happened no later than May 2005, the situation is very different, as I can now read an arbitrary sequence of characters up to about six or seven characters in length, and still correctly remember that sequence several seconds later, giving me more than enough time to type it into the computer without having to look back at the printed page from which I read that sequence.

In late 2005 I finally realized that the offsetting loss for my memory gain was my concentration. Here are the notes I wrote on November 9, 2005 (edited for improved readability and clarity):

Around the end of September 2005, more than a month ago, it finally occurred to me that the counterbalancing loss for my memory gain was my concentration.

I remember that in late 2004 I was growing reluctant to desk-check my programming. [My habit was that I always concentrated intensely when I desk-checked my program code. As a rule, this allowed me to find any and all errors in that program code.] If I recall correctly, I stopped doing desk-checking in very-early 2005, but I’m not too sure about exactly when.

More tellingly, as far as I can remember, I haven’t had the startle reaction at all in 2005, and it’s certain that I can no longer enter the state of concentration that I used to enter on a routine basis when I did my work. I can’t recall when I last entered that state of concentration, other than that I was still doing it in late 2004.

In early 2005 when I got the new phone—[actually, it was the same old phone, but with a new phone number and an internet connection]—I left the ringer on and was no longer startled by it when it rang unexpectedly. [Prior to 2005 I always had the ringer on that phone turned off, forcing whoever was calling me to leave a message, because, if my phone were to ring when I was concentrating, I would have the startle reaction, which is something I wanted to avoid having, since it was always a big shock for me.]

Also, in early 2005 I noticed that my movements when fixing my dinner had become faster but less careful and deliberate. In the past I moved more slowly and deliberately. I guess my previous higher concentration level meant more was under my conscious control, hence I was more slow then.

This faster but less careful and deliberate way of fixing my food is paralleled with how my programming work has become faster but less careful and deliberate. The thought of having errors in my programming code [aka bugs] no longer seems as important to me as it used to be, and I certainly no longer carefully desk-check like I used to.

Besides preparing my dinner faster and with less care than I used to, another similar speedup that I noticed in the first half of 2005—I no longer remember exactly when I first noticed it—was that I was typing on my computer keyboard substantially faster and less carefully than I used to. In the past, prior to 2005, I was a slow hunt-and-peck typist, and I almost never made a typo. However, ever since this typing speedup began, I’ve been typing substantially faster than my pre-2005 typing speed, and I often make typos which I quickly correct. Note that this typing speedup happened without my consciously wanting it to happen. I wasn’t trying to type faster. Instead, it just happened.

I think the reason that the loss of my previous ability to intensely concentrate also resulted in my faster and less careful body movements when fixing my dinner and also when typing, is that the decreased allocation that happened to whichever of my mind-parts had previously allowed me to intensely concentrate, meant not only a decrease in my maximum concentration level, but also a decrease in my average concentration level for when I do such ordinary tasks as fixing my dinner or typing at the keyboard. Thus, after the allocation decrease that happened around the beginning of 2005, my concentration level while doing a given task is, on average, lower than what it was before 2005.

Besides the symbol-sequence-recall mind-part, there are other recall mind-parts that presumably have their own allocations of awareness-particle input channels. This is consistent with how some people are strong in certain kinds of memory and weak in others. For example, in my own case I was weak in symbol-sequence recall, but at the same time my visual recall was good (I believe my visual recall was, and still is, at least average, and maybe a little better than average).

[145] In the course of 2004 my interest in playing first-person-shooter computer games disappeared, even though my ability to successfully play thru them remained intact. I simply lost interest. I attribute this loss of interest to my ambition decline that happened earlier that year.

[146] After the large decline in my ambition and sexual interest at age 48½ and the consequent reallocation, besides the big change in my sense of smell, there were also a few smaller changes for me. In summary, as I reflect upon those smaller changes, it seems that I’ve gotten allocations for a few things that, on average, are more heavily allocated to women than men.

Most noticeable for me was a new feeling: happiness. My first recollection of when I was feeling happy was back in mid-2004 when I was in a supermarket having this feeling, and it suddenly occurred to me that I was feeling happy. And I was kinda shocked by it, because up until that time I only knew that happiness was a feeling that makes girls bounce around and be cheery with their happiness. That was the extent of my understanding of what happiness was, until I felt it for myself in that supermarket. Many times since then, I have found myself feeling happy at different times, with no apparent cause. This happiness feeling is just a mild feeling for me, but it’s nice when it happens.

It doesn’t look like I got a happiness allocation big enough to make me bounce around and be cheery, at least not to the extent I’ve seen girls do it, but the allocation I got was enough so that I can see from my own experience what the happiness feeling is like, and I can easily imagine that if this feeling were substantially intensified I would be bouncing around all cheery too. Happiness is a nice feeling. And for me, most of its appearances have been when I was either acquiring food (in the supermarket) or preparing food (in the kitchen). Also, I have heard statements by women that they often felt happy during their pregnancy, and I have seen women acting happy when they are with their small children. So, it looks like the happiness feeling is given as a reward for actions that are either life-sustaining, such as acquiring and preparing food, or life-perpetuating, such as having and caring for a child. So, it is easy to see why the happiness feeling, on average, is more heavily allocated to women than men, because, by virtue of their giving birth and being mother, women are more directly involved with life-perpetuating actions than men are. And, regarding life-sustaining actions, women, on average, are more involved with food acquisition and preparation than men are, and women can also breast-feed after giving birth.

[147] Another reallocation-caused change that I am sure of, after the large decline in my ambition and sexual interest at age 48½ and the consequent reallocation, is that I now find myself easily moved to feeling emotional and shedding tears when exposed to certain recalled memories and certain scenes in romance stories. My first conscious realization regarding this change was during a conversation I had in mid-February 2005 when I was telling a personal story that I had recalled and told before in past years without feeling anything, but during this telling I felt myself becoming very emotional and I felt like I was going to cry. After that conversation, as I thought about what had just happened to me, I suspected that an allocation change was responsible, although there was already earlier evidence for this allocation change but I just didn’t see it until shortly before writing this footnote in late April 2005, after all the thinking I did in an effort to better understand how I had changed, so that I could write this footnote.

I mention in another footnote that I began watching downloaded Japanese anime in mid-2004. Prior to the latter half of 2004 I never had any interest in romance stories or shows, and I never watched them. The few romance scenes that I had seen in movies or on TV before that time had never emotionally moved me. Also, from my early teens until the latter half of 2004, I had only cried or felt like crying a few times in my life, and I had never cried or felt like crying for any recalled personal memory or for any scene in a movie or TV show. Well, anyway, without even realizing it, during the latter half of 2004 I was interested in romance stories and I downloaded and watched several anime romance series, and I got emotional at times and shed a few tears while watching them. At that time, I just thought how great this Japanese anime was, and I didn’t make the connection that my having any interest in romance stories was something new to me.

Less than a week before writing this footnote in late April 2005, I downloaded and watched a fansubbed non-anime Japanese-TV romance series, and I got teary and emotional at a number of different points in that series. However, I did pay attention to the actual feeling, because I knew I would be writing this footnote. As far as I know, there is no English word for the feeling that goes along with the tears, which is why I’ve been using the word emotional in this footnote when I mean this feeling. Henceforth, I’ll use the phrase crying feeling when I mean this feeling.

My own experience with the crying feeling is that it seems to be a neutral feeling that is neither painful nor pleasant. The lack of an English word for the crying feeling is probably due to the feeling’s close association with being teary. In effect, given this close association, there is less need for a separate word for the crying feeling, because the crying feeling is implicit depending on the context when one uses words for being teary. For example, saying “that story made me cry,” implies that one felt the crying feeling when crying. Saying “I felt like crying,” implies that one felt the crying feeling even though one didn’t cry.

In terms of allocation changes, apparently I got a substantial allocation increase for whatever mind-part is involved with causing crying and its associated crying feeling. I guess my newfound interest in romance stories also traces to this mind-part, at least partially so.

[148] Based on my own experience so far (I am writing this sentence in June 2006 at age 50½), the reallocations that happened to me in my middle age have mostly been used to fill in allocation deficits I had. Thus, as a result of those reallocations I am now closer to being average for a man of my age and nationality.

The reallocations that happened to me in my middle age were not subject to my conscious control or wishes. If I had had a conscious choice about those reallocations, I would have used all the allocation losses from my sexual mind-part and elsewhere to improve my intelligence. The improvement of my memory was something I would have consciously wanted, but not at the expense of losing my ability to intensely concentrate, which is what happened. Also, I certainly would not have chosen my sense of smell or my game-playing ability for improvement, but that is where a substantial part of the reallocations went.

For the purpose of this footnote, I’m defining a typical human’s current life cycle as having begun when that person’s soliton/mind integrated with the brain of its current human body prior to the birth of that body, and then extending thru that human life and the following afterlife, and then ending shortly before that person’s soliton/mind integrates with the brain of what will be its next human body, prior to that body’s birth.

Given that allocation changes are not subject to conscious control, the question regarding reallocations is what are the guidelines that the unconscious mind uses to determine how a given reallocation is distributed among the mind-parts. More specifically, which mind-part, or parts, get the awareness-particle input channels recently lost by some other mind-part. Perhaps the most important guideline is what may be called use it or lose it. In effect, for each mind-part that can get an allocation of awareness-particle input channels, that mind-part will typically get at some point in a typical human’s current life cycle an adequate allocation for that mind-part, because otherwise, if too much time passes without that mind-part getting an adequate allocation, the evolutionary forces at work in that person’s mind may eventually change that mind-part so that it loses its capability to accept or use an allocation (more specifically, by evolutionary forces I mean the evolution of learned programs; see section 3.6). Thus, in effect, use it or lose it.

As a rule, to avoid the use it or lose it danger, body-related mind-parts, especially those mind-parts that are inactive in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, including the senses of smell, touch, and taste (the senses of smell and taste are probably also inactive during the bion-body stage of the afterlife), will need their allocations when the physical body is still present (this explains why my weak sense of smell had priority for an allocation increase). For those mind-parts that do not need the physical body, such as all the intellectual mind-parts and the emotional mind-parts, adequate allocations for those mind-parts can be postponed until the afterlife.

[149] Being a man, I had never heard of this large increase in a pregnant woman’s sense of smell until July 2009 when a woman I knew told me about it during some idle conversation (she was in her late thirties then and was a mother of several children). I asked her if I could make notes, and she said yes, and here are my notes of what she said, and she agreed they were accurate when I read them back to her immediately after writing them (edited for improved readability and clarity):

During pregnancy (she says for her this change happened at the beginning of pregnancy as far as she could tell), her sense of smell was greatly enhanced (she estimates 80 times more sensitive than her normal sense of smell which she considers average), and her sense of smell went back to normal very quickly after her baby was born.

She says every woman she has talked to about this sense-of-smell enhancement during pregnancy (she estimates more than 25 women), has had the same experience with their own pregnancy. And she also says when she asked 6 gynecologists about the very large sense-of-smell enhancement that she had during her pregnancy, she says they just said it was normal for a pregnant woman.

During pregnancy she says she was cleaning a lot just to keep down the smells, and that certain foods smelled very bad to her and she wouldn’t eat them (including some foods she liked outside of pregnancy); she says everything had an odor, even what one would consider neutral objects such as furniture, pens, playing cards; and that plastics in general reeked. For the pens, she says the ink especially smelled very bad to her. Also, she suggested that strange food selections by pregnant women are at least partially driven by how the food smells.

Continuing with these notes, regarding the losses she experienced during her pregnancy that were coincident with the large improvement in her sense of smell (and likewise these losses, as with the large improvement in her sense of smell, ended very quickly after her pregnancy ended):

She says she had lower alertness in general, and her short-term memory seemed to be less.

She mentions the phrase “mommy brain,” which she says is a common phrase used by pregnant women referring to their memory loss and confusion during pregnancy. She says memory loss includes everything such as what you recently ate, what you did the day before, where your keys are, what day of the week it is, etc.

In general, she says this memory loss could not be overcome by a determined conscious effort to remember such things.

Although I didn’t write it down in those notes, I do recall that I asked her why she had done so much research about this subject, asking more than 25 women, and 6 gynecologists, and she said the reason she became so interested is because she had never heard of it until it happened to her when she became pregnant. No one had told her about it in advance, and she thought someone should have, after she found out from her many inquiries that it’s a normal part of pregnancy.

I am writing this footnote in December 2012, and since I first learned about this large increase in a pregnant woman’s sense of smell back in July 2009, I have in the intervening years asked about five or six different women about this, including two who were pregnant when I asked them, and they all said they had the same great increase in their sense of smell during their pregnancy. They were less clear about their experience of “mommy brain” during their pregnancy.

Given the above, it should be obvious that the primary purpose of this great increase in a pregnant woman’s sense of smell is to help guide that woman as to what she should eat and not eat, for the sake of her baby’s physical development. I suppose a secondary purpose is to guide the woman away from potentially harmful substances in the air that could enter her body thru her lungs and ultimately reach her developing baby.

[150] The rapid reallocation of awareness-particle input channels that happens to pregnant women when their pregnancy begins, greatly enhancing their sense of smell, and also the rapid undoing of that reallocation at the end of that pregnancy, shows that a rapid reallocation of awareness-particle input channels during one’s human life is possible. And, if the condition known as multiple personality disorder (MPD), is, in at least some cases, real, and not simply an act of lying and deception, then a rapid reallocation back and forth between two different allocation plans, that, in effect, give two different personalities, is the likely explanation for any real cases of multiple personality disorder. A dictionary definition of multiple personality disorder, at https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/multiple personality disorder, says:

a disorder that is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct and complex identities or personality states each of which becomes dominant and controls behavior from time to time to the exclusion of the others and results from disruption in the integrated functions of consciousness, memory, and identity —called also multiple personality, dissociative identity disorder

I have not known anyone with this disorder, and a case that received a lot of publicity when I was young—the book Sybil published in 1973—is probably fiction (see the discussion about it being fiction at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sybil_(book)). However, a male relative of mine claims that one of his past girlfriends had MPD, having two different personalities, and that girlfriend herself was consciously aware of having two different personalities. If that past girlfriend really did have MPD, then perhaps her unconscious mind scored her two different personalities as being about equal—each personality being the result of a different allocation plan—and, in effect, her unconscious mind couldn’t decide between those two different personalities, and was switching back and forth between those two different allocation plans that gave those two different personalities. However, despite such switching back and forth, it’s still the same soliton (awareness) experiencing the different personalities.

Also, if there are real MPD cases, then the soliton/mind experiencing life with MPD, would always have access to any memories made during either allocation plan. In other words, the person when currently being one of the alternating personalities would remember what was done and experienced when being the other personality (subject to normal forgetfulness with the passage of time). Any MPD story that claims the person doesn’t know what she did when she was the other personality is probably fiction, because I see no reason for that to be the case, other than to serve as a plot device to allow a more interesting story to be told. Also, any MPD story that claims more than two personalities is probably fiction, because having an unconscious mind that can’t decide between two different personalities for the current human life is unlikely enough, without adding more personalities into the mix, which would probably be done by a fiction writer just to make the story more interesting.

[151] Body feelings include all those feelings that, in effect, report the status of the body to the awareness. Two different kinds of body feelings are listed below. The first list has those body feelings that are not consciously perceived as being localized to somewhere specific on or in the body, and the second list has those body feelings that are consciously perceived as being localized to somewhere specific on or in the body. The first list, which lists non-localized body feelings, includes the following (if I’ve left anything out that belongs in this list, feel free to add it):

  • water needs (feeling thirsty)
  • nourishment needs (feeling hungry, starving, etc)
  • sleep needs (feeling tired, feeling sleepy, etc)

While feeling thirsty, one may also have one or more localized body feelings such as a dry mouth, but feeling thirsty itself is not localized. And likewise, while feeling hungry, one may also have one or more localized body feelings that are a consequence of going without food, but feeling hungry itself is not localized. And likewise, while feeling a need for sleep, one may also have one or more localized body feelings that are a consequence of going without sleep for too long, but feeling a need for sleep itself is not localized.

The reason that water needs, nourishment needs, and sleep needs, are felt by the awareness without any simultaneous perception by the awareness of where in the body that need is, is because the need applies to the entire body. Also, in the specific case of sleep needs, sleep is more than just a body need, because one’s awareness/mind itself needs periodic sleep.

Note that I considered adding breathing needs to the first list, because the need applies to the entire body (more specifically, the need for oxygen). However, testing myself by holding my breath for a while, I consciously felt the need to breath simultaneous with the perception that this need to breath was in my upper chest and throat. Thus, the need to breath belongs in the second list. Excretion needs are also needs for the entire body, however, because there are only two excretion outlets, one for urine and one for feces, excretion-need feelings are consciously felt with a localized perception regarding where in the body the waste needing excretion is (the result of a sufficiently full bladder, or of enough fecal matter in the colon).

The second list, which lists localized body feelings, includes the following (if I’ve left anything out that belongs in this list, feel free to add it):

  • touch feeling (the sense of touch; feeling pressure on the body’s surface)
  • internal pressure (feeling bloated, feeling tightness from local swelling, feeling full or stuffed from eating too much, etc)
  • feeling body pain, including such miscellaneous things as soreness, cramps, headaches, etc
  • temperature (feeling warm or hot, cool or cold)
  • excretion needs (feeling the need to urinate or defecate)
  • breathing needs (feeling the need to breathe; typically only felt when normal breathing is either hindered or prevented or insufficient)
  • feeling sick (feeling sick, feeling the need to vomit, etc)
  • sexual stimulation, typically involving stimulation of the sex organ (I’m including the orgasm feeling here)

Note that localized body feelings have two separate components that are, in effect, simultaneously sent to the awareness:

  • The data, sent to the awareness, that causes that perceived body feeling : The intensity of this feeling, as felt by the awareness, will be directly proportional to the number of awareness-particle input channels that are carrying that feeling to the awareness.

    Regarding the allocation of awareness-particle input channels for carrying each of the above listed localized body feelings, there is some overlap in the above list. For example, I think it likely that the touch feeling, the internal-pressure feeling, the excretion-needs feeling, and the breathing-needs feeling, are all, in effect, pressure feelings, and are using (sharing) the same allocation of awareness-particle input channels for carrying the pressure feeling to the awareness. In contrast, the orgasm feeling is an example of a dedicated allocation of awareness-particle input channels for a localized body feeling that is not shared with any other body feeling. Also, because of its importance for protecting the physical body, I think it likely that the body-pain feeling has a dedicated allocation of awareness-particle input channels, and, given the very wide intensity range of this body-pain feeling, I think it likely that, for a typical person, it has a bigger allocation than the allocation for any of the other body feelings, in terms of the total number of awareness-particle input channels allocated for that body-pain feeling.

  • The localization data, sent to the awareness : This causes the awareness to perceive the felt body feeling as being localized in 3D space relative to the current 3D location of the awareness (soliton). And, as a rule, the learned programs(s) that construct this localization data, construct it so that it will be perceived by the awareness as coinciding with its physical body, somewhere in and/or on its physical body—or somewhere in and/or on its projected bion-body if one is currently projected outside of one’s physical body in a bion-body.

    For example, consider the pain feeling regarding one’s physical body. Thanks to the localization data sent to the awareness at the same time that the pain feeling is sent to the awareness, the awareness will experience that pain feeling as being somewhere in and/or on its physical body. And this somewhere, in terms of its size, can range from a small specific spot in or on the body, all the way up to a large area on, and/or volume in, or multiple areas on, and/or volumes in, the body (apparently this large area and/or volume can, at its extreme in terms of coverage, include the entire surface and/or volume of the body).

    Regarding the localization data: Given its clarity to the awareness, and how detailed and complex the 3D image represented by the localization data can be, and its ability to appear with different body feelings, and the need to avoid unnecessary duplication of allocations, I think it is most reasonable to conclude that there is a single, large, separate allocation of awareness-particle input channels that is dedicated to carrying the localization data to the awareness, and this dedicated allocation of awareness-particle input channels is used by each of the localized body feelings to send its localization data to the awareness.

    As a possible model of how this localization might work, assume that the learned programs(s) that construct the localization data, send it to the awareness by sending thru each awareness-particle input channel that is dedicated to carrying the localization data, either a null value (which has no effect on the awareness) or an XYZ coordinate that is relative to the current location of the awareness (soliton) in 3D space. Thus, for example, if 500,000 awareness-particle input channels are dedicated for carrying localization data, then the learned programs(s) that construct the localization data, can, in effect, represent a 3D image composed of as many as 500,000 dots (if no null values), to, in effect, show the awareness where, what it is feeling, is happening in 3D space relative to itself.

Because one can experience different localized body feelings apparently at the same time, and these different localized body feelings may be felt as being at different locations in and/or on one’s body, how is this done when I say above that there is a single allocation of awareness-particle input channels that carries the localization data regardless of which localized body feeling is being sent? My answer is the following design for a learned program named LP_determine_and_send_localized_body_feelings:

/*
This learned program would, in effect, be running continuously in the background in one’s mind when one is awake and in a body, either one’s physical body or a bion-body.

Note: observing what I can consciously feel simultaneously with my own physical body, I believe that the constant MAX_SIMULTANEOUS_TO_SEND has a value of 4.

For the purpose of fooling the awareness into perceiving sequentially sent body feelings as being simultaneous, a value of 1/100th of a second for the constant TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS is probably short enough to fool the awareness.
*/
LP_determine_and_send_localized_body_feelings
{
label:repeat_steps_1_and_2  /* This named label marks a location in the code that the go to statement can jump to. */

/*
step_1

Assuming that the computing-element program is capable of multitasking and can have different threads of execution currently ongoing, then ideally step_1 and step_2 would be in separate threads of execution, with a semaphore protecting access to the global variables that step_1 sets and step_2 uses. However, to keep this presentation simple, in the following code I show step_1 as preceding step_2, in what would be a single thread of execution.
*/

Determine the current localized body feelings, if any, that should be sent to the awareness. Note that some specific minimum intensity level is required for a body feeling before it would be sent to the awareness. Create a table of the localized body feelings to be sent: included for each entry in this table is the body feeling, the intensity level for that body feeling, and the localization data for that body feeling at that intensity level.

If this table has more than MAX_SIMULTANEOUS_TO_SEND entries, then only keep in the table those entries that have the highest intensities, so that this table then has MAX_SIMULTANEOUS_TO_SEND entries; the other entries, having lower intensities, are removed from the table.

/*
Note that the same body feeling can have multiple entries in the table. For example, just sitting in my chair as I type this, if I stop typing and focus instead on what I am consciously feeling of my body, I feel simultaneously the touch feeling at multiple locations on my body, and each of these touch feelings has its own intensity and localization data (for example, feeling my bare feet on the carpet, feeling my back against the chair, feeling my bottom on the chair, and feeling my forearms on the chair armrests). Testing myself further while sitting in this chair, it seems that I can feel the touch feeling with four different intensity levels simultaneously, with each of these four different intensity levels localized differently on my body.
*/

set number_of_table_entries to the number of entries in the table. This number will be between 0 and MAX_SIMULTANEOUS_TO_SEND inclusive.

/*
step_2
*/

if number_of_table_entries is 0  /* no entries */
then
wait TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS  /* Other threads of execution can run while waiting. */

go to label:repeat_steps_1_and_2
end if

if number_of_table_entries is 1
then
Extract from that one table entry the body feeling (actually just a number that identifies which localized body feeling to send to the awareness), intensity level, and localization data, and, in effect, send that body feeling at the intensity level specified, along with the localization data, continuously, to the awareness, for the length of time specified by TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS.

go to label:repeat_steps_1_and_2
end if

/*
At this point the value of number_of_table_entries is somewhere between 2 and MAX_SIMULTANEOUS_TO_SEND inclusive.

When there is more than one table entry to send to the awareness at the same time, if one were to literally send them at the same time, then instead of having a total allocation of N awareness-particle input channels for carrying the localization data to the awareness, one would need instead a total allocation of (N × MAX_SIMULTANEOUS_TO_SEND) awareness-particle input channels for carrying the localization data to the awareness. And, because the value of N is large (my guess is that N has a value of roughly 500,000), that would be very wasteful of the awareness-particle input channels, which are a limited resource.

To avoid being wasteful with the awareness-particle input channels, the method used here is to, in effect, fool the awareness into perceiving several different localized body feelings as happening at the same time, when actually they are happening sequentially within the very short time span TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS.

Regarding how to divide the time interval TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS among the different entries in the table, the simplest way is to give each table entry the same amount of time, which would be (TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS ÷ number_of_table_entries). However, testing on my own body with the touch feeling while sitting in a chair, I think it more likely that the actual learned program in the human mind gives more of the time interval TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS to a table entry if that table entry has a substantially higher intensity level than the other table entries. The idea of this is to further focus the awareness on that more intensely felt location. The simple math that follows this comment, computing total_send_time for each table entry, does what is wanted, sizing each table entry’s total_send_time based on its intensity level compared to the intensity levels of the other table entries.

As an example of how total_send_time is computed, assume number_of_table_entries is 3, and table[1].intensity_level is 380, table[2].intensity_level is 189, table[3].intensity_level is 761, and TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS has the value 4,000. Then, sum_intensities is (380 + 189 + 761) = 1,330. And table[1].total_send_time is 1,143, table[2].total_send_time is 568, and table[3].total_send_time is 2,289 (the three add up to 4,000, which is the value of TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS in this example).
*/
set sum_intensities to the sum of the intensities in the table

for each entry in the table: set its total_send_time to ((that entry’s intensity level ÷ sum_intensities) × TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS)

/*
The following for works as follows: First, sub is set to 1, and then as long as the value of sub is less than or equal to number_of_table_entries, the code between do and end do is executed. Note that table[1] is the first entry in the table, and table[number_of_table_entries] is the last entry in the table.

Also note that the total elapsed time for this for to process all the table entries is TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS (the total_send_time values in the table add up to TIME_INTERVAL_FOR_SENDING_BODY_FEELINGS).
*/
for (sub = 1, sub <= number_of_table_entries)
do
Extract from table[sub] the body feeling, intensity level, and localization data, and, in effect, send that body feeling at the intensity level specified, along with the localization data, continuously, to the awareness, for the length of time specified by table[sub].total_send_time.

increment sub  /* add 1 to it */
end do
end for

go to label:repeat_steps_1_and_2
}

[152] A specific reallocation that probably happens in the afterlife to many people, perhaps most people, no later than very early in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, is that one regains the same ability one had as a young child to easily learn whatever spoken languages one is exposed to, and this implies a substantial allocation of awareness-particle input channels to the mind-part(s) involved in learning a new spoken language. The reason for this reallocation is that the spoken language or languages that are widely used in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife will be languages that are efficient for use in the lucid-dream environment, whereas human languages, such as English, are efficient for use in the physical environment of our physical world. Thus, regaining the ability one had as a young child to easily learn new spoken languages will allow one to quickly learn whatever new language(s) one is exposed to in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife. However, because a large allocation is needed to have the language-learning ability that one had as a small child, I think it likely that soon after one has learned the new spoken language(s) that one is exposed to in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, that, for a typical person, at least most of that large language-learning allocation will be reallocated elsewhere.

In the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, one’s physical body and bion-body are both gone. One is just an awareness/mind, and instead of living in a world of physical matter, one now lives in a world of d-common matter, and, in general, living with d-common matter is a very different experience than living with physical matter. The most prominent difference is that, unlike with physical matter, one’s human mind has a direct manipulative ability over nearby d-common matter, including an ability to create and destroy d-common matter. Additionally, besides this different common-particle environment, there are other things in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife that will increase the need for a different spoken language than the language one spoke as a physically embodied human, including, but not limited to, the following:

  • A different intellectual environment: After the after-death reallocations that happen no later than very early in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, in the typical case one’s awareness is going to experience a greater and broader intelligence than the intelligence one had when one was still alive in the physical world. In general, the average IQ of humans in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife is substantially higher than the average IQ of humans still in their physical bodies. And that, by itself, will increase the pressure for a different spoken language than whatever human languages one used when alive in the physical world.

  • A different sensory environment: All the body feelings are gone, and there is no sense of touch, no sense of smell, and no sense of taste, in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, and no food or water to consume. Another difference is how one moves in the lucid-dream environment, and how it feels during high-speed movement: a new vocabulary with narrow definitions is needed for efficiently talking about all aspects of moving in the lucid-dream environment, because such movements are going to be frequent in the lucid-dream environment.

  • A different emotional environment: For example, the allocation for the fear emotion, if one had an allocation for the fear emotion when one was still alive in the physical world, can safely be reallocated elsewhere, because one no longer has a vulnerable physical body that the fear emotion protected. Assuming this reallocation happens for a typical person, during the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife that person will not experience any fear.

Instead of there being just one universally used spoken language in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, it is probably more likely that there are a number of different spoken languages used in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, that evolved in the past from different human languages. For example, given a man whose human language was English: early in the lucid-dream stage of his afterlife he will probably associate with other afterlife residents whose human language was also English, and the language he will then learn and use in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife will be an afterlife language evolved from English. Also, at least some afterlife residents may be multilingual having learned several different spoken languages that are used in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife. Also, spoken languages are living languages and continue to evolve as needed over time. For example, given how computers and computer programs are a recent feature of human life for many people, English words and phrases such as computers and computer programs might be recent loan-words into one or more of the afterlife languages.

Regarding the efficiency of spoken languages, note that, in general, in a given language, the shorter and more easily said words, consisting of one or two syllables, are the more frequently used words in that spoken language, which means that the definitions that have been assigned to those shorter and more easily said words are definitions of things that, on average, are spoken of more frequently than the things that have been assigned to the longer and less easily said words. In a human language, a lot of the shorter and more easily said words are used for common physical objects, including also many of the words having to do with our physical bodies. In the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, there are no physical objects and no physical bodies, so probably many of the shorter and more easily said human-language words are reused in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife with new or modified definitions for those spoken words. Also, given that the vowels and consonants of human speech are limited to the sounds that can be made by the human voice box (larynx), and given that in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife spoken words are communicated to others telepathically by one’s unconscious mind (and not communicated as vibrations in the air), it follows that at least some of the spoken languages used in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife may have at least some of their words using sounds that cannot be closely duplicated by human speech.

[153] Also, regarding reallocations that happen for the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, perhaps for a typical person the reallocations include a large enough allocation for music-listening pleasure to make listening to what that person’s mind judges as good music very pleasurable. Many lucid-dream projectionists have had incidents of hearing music that sounded very good to them: I had one such incident myself that I still remember decades later (it is August 2015 as I write this sentence), in which I saw a man nearby in that lucid dream who appeared to be “playing” what looked like a stringed instrument on his lap, and the music that I heard was a fast and very beautiful sequence of notes that sounded to me like they could have come from some kind of stringed instrument.

Note that when I was having lucid-dream projections beginning at age 19 and continuing up to age 25 (see chapter 10), I already had an allocation for music-listening pleasure. If instead, I didn’t already have an allocation for music-listening pleasure, then in that lucid dream I still might have consciously heard that music, but I wouldn’t have felt any pleasure from hearing it, and I thus assume that those lucid-dream projectionists who report hearing pleasurable music during a lucid dream, already have an allocation for music-listening pleasure as I did. Also, note that in each incident of hearing music in a lucid-dream projection, either the heard music was a construction of the lucid-dream projectionist’s own unconscious mind, or the heard music was in the mind of a nearby person in that lucid dream who sent that music as a stream of messages to the mind of the lucid-dream projectionist. In my own case, it certainly appeared that the music I heard was produced by that person I saw “playing” that apparent stringed instrument, and I assume that person was indeed the source of that music that I heard and remembered.

In the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, and assuming one has a substantial allocation for music-listening pleasure, one may well become, at least for a while, a member of a music club in which oneself and others are at times actively composing in their minds instrumental music and/or other kinds of music and/or songs to be sung, and then sharing their creations with others in that club and perhaps with others elsewhere. In such a club, listening to good music and feeling pleasure from it may be a commonplace activity.

Regarding communities and interest groups in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, just as one may have various interests that change over time in one’s human life, the same is probably true during one’s life in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife. For example, besides possibly being a member in some music club as suggested above, one may eventually grow tired of that club and switch to a different club whose members, for example, work on mental puzzles and/or games. Or perhaps, for example, join a math club, or a story-tellers club, or an acting club such as a theater group that puts on plays, there are so many different possibilities. Also, one may concurrently be a member and active participant in several different clubs, only leaving a club after losing interest, or after wanting to spend more time in a different club. The possibilities are many regarding the different kinds of active clubs that are in the lucid-dream stage of the afterlife, so as to both pass the time and also, in effect, to exercise the different parts of one’s unconscious mind.

In the lucid-dream environment, regarding how one’s mind sends messages when speaking to, or singing to, or “playing” music for, a nearby audience which may include:

  • strangers (persons who do not have an entry in one’s soliton directory);

  • and/or non-strangers for whom one’s mind is currently unaware of their presence in the audience.

To send messages that will be received by everyone in the above-described audience which has an uncertain membership, the correct way is to send owned-minds broadcast messages (section 5.1.1). For example, in the lucid dream described above, during which I heard music that a nearby man was “playing”, his mind was probably sending that music as a stream of owned-minds broadcast messages. Note that I didn’t recognize him, so I’m guessing we were strangers to each other.

Instead of sending owned-minds broadcast messages to a nearby audience of certain and/or uncertain membership, one’s mind can send the same messages to a small list of one or more known persons (each known person has an entry in one’s soliton directory) by using the list_of_bions parameter of the send() statement to identify the intended recipient(s) of the sent messages: for each intended recipient person of the sent messages, the unique identifier of that person’s MESSAGING_WITH_OTHER_OWNED_MINDS bion, which is in one’s soliton directory, is added to the list_of_bions parameter. Thus, for example, one could telepathically talk to three specific friends simultaneously, without anyone else within range of the sent messages being able to hear what one is saying.

[154] This and the next several footnotes are going to talk mostly about human emotions. This footnote introduces the fear emotion, which besides being very common among humans, is probably also very common in non-human animals that have a soliton/mind.

Regarding myself, I have never felt fear or terror in my life, nor have I ever been scared or afraid, so apparently I have a zero allocation for the fear feeling. Although I have never felt fear myself, I accept that fear is a real feeling that many people—perhaps most people—have experienced. This acceptance is based on the abundance of written and spoken material in this USA society in which I live, that talks about fear as if it were a real feeling, and also based on conversations I’ve had with people who claim to have felt fear, been scared, been terrified, and such. (Based on what I’ve been told, English has different words that all refer to the same fear feeling, including the words fright, scared, and terror. For example, I was told that being terrified means feeling fear more intensely than usual.) One of these conversations was in the Fall of 2004, and the person I was talking with repeatedly made the point that fear has a protective purpose. In reply I said “obviously,” but he kept making the point that fear has the purpose of protecting the person from possible harm.

So, after that conversation, later that night, I had a sudden insight about the reason for a decades-long habit I had: Since at least my mid-twenties I have had the habit of running thru my mind worst-case scenarios as the possible outcome for whatever possible action I was considering, and I then made a decision on that possible action, based on my estimation of how probable a worst-case outcome was. The insight I had was that I was compensating for my lack of fear. I was doing by conscious rational means what a person who feels fear does by simply feeling fear (the fear mind-part probably uses the same basic algorithm that I was consciously using). Thus, I had developed an alternative protective mechanism for myself, because I still had to be protected, since the physical body has many needs—food, water, clothing, shelter—and is structurally weak and easily damaged. (As an aside, since the purpose of the fear feeling is to protect the physical body, and, given that the Caretakers have no physical body, it’s unlikely any of the Caretakers have the fear feeling, or, if they do have the fear feeling, it must serve a different purpose for them.)

Regarding the idea that fear has a purpose, after thinking about it I reached the conclusion that all the various feelings, including both good feelings and bad feelings, have purpose, and their purpose is that these various feelings are the primary means by which the unconscious mind influences the soliton without forcing the soliton’s decisions. The soliton is still the ruler, but similar to the situation in a human government, the ruler is subjected to various influences coming from lower levels in that government. Also, the soliton may sometimes get conflicting feelings coming from different mind-parts, which is similar to a human government where the ruler may sometimes be subjected to conflicting influences coming from different governmental departments. Note that none of the feelings we experience are generated by the soliton. Instead, all feelings are generated by the unconscious mind and sent to the soliton where they are felt.

The purpose of good feelings and bad feelings, explained in the previous paragraph, also applies to all the non-human animals that have a soliton/mind. In general, the non-human animals that have a soliton/mind, probably have the same body feelings that humans have, because their physical bodies have the same needs and vulnerabilities that the human body has. Also, I think it very likely that, in general, non-human animals that have a soliton/mind, typically get pleasurable feelings as a reward, when they eat and drink, and have sex. Regarding the list of ten different human emotions given in a later footnote, at least some of those ten different emotions, in addition to the fear emotion in that list, are probably also found in many of the non-human animal species that have a soliton/mind. For example, if a non-human animal that has a soliton/mind, has the fear emotion, then that animal may also have the joy emotion as a counterweight to that fear emotion, and would probably experience the joy feeling when, for example, that animal comes across an unexpected food or water source. As another example, the happiness emotion, which, among other things, rewards acquiring food and rewards being a mother, may be a common emotion for the non-human animals that have a soliton/mind.

[155] As mentioned in the previous footnote, I have never felt fear in my life. Or, if I have felt fear, it was when I was so young that I no longer consciously remember it (perhaps I had an allocation for the fear feeling during my childhood that was reallocated elsewhere as I grew older, but I have no conscious memories to support this possibility). Besides having never felt fear, I have also never felt loneliness nor sadness.

Until recently I didn’t even know if loneliness and sadness were real feelings or not. I had never really thought much about it, and hadn’t done any research. However, because of the new happiness feeling and enhanced crying feeling that were two of the consequences of the reallocations that followed the large decline in my ambition and sexual interest at age 48½ in 2004, I had a lot of interest during the following year (2005) in the whole subject of feelings, and among other things I wanted to know about loneliness and sadness.

To get answers to these questions, I turned to my then 21-year-old niece, Melanie (my sister’s daughter), who I knew was very feminine and had strong feelings. My niece lives in a different state, so I had to call her on the phone. The first thing I wanted to know about was loneliness, because it seemed to me that loneliness was mentioned more in USA media than sadness, so I reasoned that it was more likely to be real. I phoned her July 2nd, 2005, asking specifically about loneliness. Here are the notes I wrote two days later on July 4th (edited for improved readability and clarity):

I talked with Melanie and asked her about the loneliness feeling. In answer to my questioning, what she said can be summarized as follows: She said it’s a real feeling, and it has the same kind of intensity range as other feelings (one can feel a little lonely, more lonely, or very lonely). She also said it’s closest to the depression feeling in how it feels, but it’s still a separate and distinct feeling. She has often felt lonely at the same time as feeling depressed, but she has at other times felt lonely without feeling depressed, and at still other times felt depressed without feeling lonely.

Note: She mentioned that she had often been depressed for the last five years. She recently turned 21, so this means her depression started around age 16. This roughly agrees with my own recollection of when I first started hearing about Melanie being depressed.

During the talk, she said that the loneliness feeling was often felt as being lonely for finding the right guy, but sometimes she felt lonely in a non-specific way. Given how she described it, I got the impression that the loneliness feeling as she experienced it, was more often than not, and more intensely so, focused on finding and being with the right guy.

A few hours after I talked with her, the cause of her depression occurred to me: her unconscious mind wanted her to be mated by age sixteen, and was using negative feelings—the depression feeling and the loneliness feeling—as motivators. The obvious problem for her is that she is living in a crap society (the USA), which forces an extended childhood on young women, and treats a man having sex with them as a criminal worthy of a long imprisonment.

So, my talk with Melanie was very productive, because not only did I get detailed information about the loneliness feeling, but I also got an explanation for the chronic depression that afflicts many teenaged girls in the USA. For those who don’t know, in Europe up until a few centuries ago, it was commonplace for girls to marry in their early or mid-teens (men typically married at a later age). The transformation of society by such things as industrialization, the imposition of forced schooling in the 19th century, and the anti-national policies of imperialism which include hostility to sex and family, have created an environment that is actively hostile to early-teen and mid-teen marriages for women. Apparently, it is easier to change society than it is to change the unconscious mind, with the end result that a lot of young women suffer like Melanie did.

There must be people who have a zero allocation for the depression feeling, but I’m not one of them. Instead, I apparently have a small allocation for the depression feeling, because I’ve been depressed three times in my life for a total of about five hours of feeling depressed: two different romantic disappointments with women when I was young, each resulting in a period of depression that lasted about two hours, and one time in my early forties (actually, the day before my 41st birthday) when I realized that I had been successfully lied to by the USA media regarding a specific matter of history (I’ve written about this elsewhere as follows: “As this realization hit me, I felt very small and weak, and was depressed for about an hour.”). Insofar as I remember what depression feels like (I am 50 years old as I write this footnote in January 2006), it’s an oppressive, negative feeling, and I was really lethargic while having that depression feeling (I just sat in my chair and didn’t want to move).

On July 29th, 2005, I phoned Melanie again, as a followup to our July 2nd, 2005, conversation about loneliness. Here are the notes I wrote September 6th, 2005, about that July 29th followup call (edited for improved readability and clarity):

Supplement for the July 4, 2005 notes about Melanie and the loneliness feeling, and my explanation for her depression:

I knew I was going to tell her about my explanation for her depression by reading her my July 4, 2005 notes, but before doing that, without giving her any clue as to why I was asking, I wanted to put my depression explanation to an immediate test, because I had already learned from previous conversations with her, that she had met a man earlier in the year, and she had an active and ongoing relationship with him, and her feelings for him were very strong. So, knowing all this, and knowing that I had what I believed was the correct explanation for her roughly five years of depression, and knowing that she didn’t sound depressed during our recent phone conversations, I expected to hear that her depression disappeared coincident with that recent entry of that man into her life.

So, I asked her was she still depressed. She said “No.” I then asked her when the depression stopped, and her answer was exactly what I was expecting to hear: she lost her depression at the same time as that man entered her life. Thus, her answers agreed with my explanation as to the cause of her previous chronic depression. After this questioning of her and hearing her answers, I then read her my July 4, 2005 notes, and she said my notes were very accurate regarding what she said about loneliness and her experience with it, but she disagreed with my explanation of the cause of her previous chronic depression. Her disagreement is what I expected, since she had already been brainwashed by the USA media to believe the bogus “chemical imbalance” explanation for depression. During the years she was depressed she had been to different psychiatrists, and she had been taking the various “anti-depressant” pills they prescribed, but her depression—although dulled by the pills along with the rest of her mind—remained. But with the entry of that man into her life her depression disappeared.

This footnote is already big enough, so my talk with Melanie about sadness is in the next footnote.

[156] Continuing from the previous footnote, on October 30th, 2005, I phoned Melanie asking about the sadness feeling. The following are the notes that I wrote during that conversation (edited for improved readability and clarity):

According to Melanie, sadness is a real feeling that is separate from the other feelings, including the loneliness feeling, the fear feeling, and the depression feeling. Sadness has the usual intensity range for a feeling. However, in her experience, sadness is a less intense feeling than loneliness, fear, and depression. [Apparently, Melanie has a smaller allocation for the sadness feeling than she has for the loneliness feeling, the fear feeling, and the depression feeling, which is why she hasn’t felt sadness as intensely as she has felt loneliness, fear, and depression.]

From her own experience, triggering causes for the sadness feeling include the following:

  1. A sudden loss of a possession (for example, a few days ago a pair of earrings she had just bought were stolen from her after she had put the bag down in a different store). Also, just losing things in general that she can’t find, but that’s less sad since it’s not compounded with betrayal by a stranger.

  2. Betrayal by a friend (for example, when Melanie found out that one of her friends had lied to her and was talking about her behind her back). Also, she felt sad when a friend was mean to her. She has also felt sad when remembering these things.

  3. Getting a bad grade in school on a test she tried hard on. She can also feel sad even if she didn’t try hard.

  4. When she got out of the hospital and she was a lot heavier than when she went in, the conscious realization that she was substantially overweight made her feel sad.

  5. A car accident she had. She was sad when it happened, and afterwards when she thought about it.

  6. An embarrassment or embarrassing situation, such as being made fun of, can bring about sadness.

  7. Having a minor physical injury, including when she was bit by a dog, and when she fell off her bike, and when she got a scissors stuck in her foot requiring stitches.

  8. She kissed a male friend, and she helped him out, but he didn’t call, and she felt sad as a result. Her feelings were hurt.

  9. She felt really sad when her rabbit died, and less sad when her hamster died. She also felt sad when her fish died.

  10. She felt very sad when she had bad acne on her face, and when she had to go out in public like that. She felt sad when looking in the mirror, and when she thought about people looking at her.

  11. She has felt sad thinking about how her family doesn’t have much money, and yet she’s spending some of it, so she feels like a weight is on her, and she feels sad about it.

  12. Someone dies that she knows, or something bad happens to someone she knows. For example, when one of her cousins died in a car accident, and also when she heard about her grandmother suffering from pain caused by shingles. It doesn’t have to be a person close to her. For example, she felt sad about 911 (September 11, 2001 [the unexpected destruction of the World Trade Center in Manhattan, New York, USA, on this date]), the whole thing.

  13. If she breaks something accidentally that has value to her or others, she may feel sad about it, especially if that broken thing meant something to either her or someone else.

  14. She’s sad if it’s really cold outside. She doesn’t like the feeling of being cold, and she can’t enjoy being outside when it’s like that. She feels sad (a light sadness) when she transitions from a warm environment into the painful cold. And if she’s stuck in that cold, she can feel sad at different times while being stuck in that cold.

The above list of triggering causes is given in the original order that I wrote them down. I kept asking Melanie for more and more examples of what caused her to feel sad. These triggering causes are listed in the order that Melanie remembered them and told them to me (I wrote each one down as she was talking). Some of the events mentioned were recent events in her life, and others were years or many years in the past. I basically wanted her to tell me everything she could remember about sadness, and our talk only ended when she couldn’t think of anything else that has caused her to feel sad. Thank you Melanie for your help.

[157] The following table lists ten emotions. Each of these emotions has its own very specific and unique feeling which can vary in intensity but is always the same feeling in terms of how it feels to the awareness. Each of these emotions is distinct and separate from the other emotions and all other feelings, and each of these emotions, assuming one has a nonzero allocation for it, has its own dedicated non-shared allocation of awareness-particle input channels.

Although some people have a nonzero allocation for each of these ten emotions, there are also other people who do not, including myself. In my own case (I’m 50 years old as I write this sentence in 2006), I have yet to feel four of the ten emotions listed below: fear, joy, loneliness, and sadness. This implies that for my entire life so far, I’ve had a zero allocation for these four emotions (it’s possible that I had a nonzero allocation for one or more of these four emotions during my infancy and/or early childhood, but I don’t have any conscious memories to support this possibility).

depression:

Assuming one has an adequate allocation to feel it, depression is perhaps the worst feeling to have. Given the conditions under which it appears, and also its potential to be chronic, it seems that the depression feeling is sent to the awareness as a notification or signal that the unconscious mind is frustrated with the current situation. The purpose of the depression feeling is to provoke the awareness to change the current situation, because depression is something that the awareness will want to avoid feeling.

The immobilizing quality of depression makes it harder for the awareness to continue with its life as usual. As long as the situation remains unchanged, the depression can remain, becoming chronic.

Changing the situation in a way that ends the depression depends on the situation. In my own life I’ve been depressed three times, including twice because of romantic disappointments with women, and in each of those two cases, while sitting in my chair immobilized with the depression feeling, I realized things weren’t going to turn out as I wanted and it was time to give up and move on, which is what I did. Thus, I changed the situation by simply giving up, and it worked insofar as my depression ended (in each of those two cases I was depressed for about two hours). Similarly, much later in my life when I was depressed after realizing that the USA media had successfully lied to me and much of the world, about a specific 20th-century historical matter, I accepted that I had been deceived and I resolved to study how I was deceived and learn from that experience (in this case I was depressed for about an hour).

happiness:

My own experience with the happiness feeling—described in a previous footnote—is that it is a very nice and pleasant feeling. Based on my own experience and the experience of others, happiness is given to the awareness as a reward for actions that are life-sustaining or life-perpetuating. Thus, the purpose of the happiness feeling is to encourage life-sustaining and life-perpetuating actions.

I have heard of people crying from being so happy. In my own case, I have yet to feel a strong or intense happiness, so my current happiness allocation is probably too small for me to ever cry with happiness (my current crying-feeling allocation is probably adequate, but both allocations are needed). However, I did ask my niece, Melanie, about crying from being so happy, and she said that she herself has cried from being so happy. So, as long as one has a big enough allocation for the happiness feeling, and also a sufficient allocation for the crying feeling, it can happen. Hmm … it sounds rather blissful, being so happy.

fear:

I’ve already described in a previous footnote a conversation I had with a friend who repeatedly made the point that fear has a protective purpose. Thus, the purpose of the fear feeling is to warn the awareness of potential danger. More specifically, the fear feeling is a signal to the awareness that the unconscious mind judges the object of the fear feeling—whatever one is feeling fearful of—as something that is potentially threatening or endangering in some way to either oneself or others or both.

In answer to my question of where the fear feeling lies on the pleasure-pain scale, another friend, my brother-in-law (age 60), described it as follows: “unpleasant to extremely painful, depending on the situation.” He also said in answer to further questioning that depending on the situation, he has felt fear for others, including feeling fear for the well-being of people who were neither close nor well-known to him. However, in general, the closer his relationship to a person, the more intensely he can feel fear if that person’s well-being is endangered. Also, most of his experience with the fear feeling has been in situations where he himself felt threatened or endangered in some way, with his own personal safety and well-being at apparent risk.

Regarding fear, on June 20, 2006, I received an interesting email from a 64-year-old man in Texas who described his own experience with fear as follows (quoted with his permission):

Fear has been my most driving force since I can remember (I was a bed-wetter). Fear is probably responsible for most major decisions in my life—I quit smoking because of fear, I quit drinking because of fear, I avoided many risk-prone pleasures because of fear. The absolute most fearful moment in my life was when I first laid eyes on the lady that would become my wife, and she stared me down—I felt a yellow streak run down my back that I had only read about before—sheer utter debilitating FEAR. I have never experienced that level of fear since, but fear, even heavy-duty levels, have always been ready and waiting. I always despised myself for being so afflicted with fear, but, after reading your page on fear [he is referring to the 10th edition of this book, specifically the above-mentioned previous footnote where I describe the conversation I had with a friend about fear having a protective purpose], I am now rethinking my attitude—maybe I should be thankful for having been born with such a massive dose of fear. My life has been more or less blessed and charmed, somewhat.

joy:

My source for information about the joy feeling is my brother-in-law. During a phone conversation on February 22, 2006, I was asking him where the fear feeling lies on the pleasure-pain scale, because after reviewing what I had written so far about emotions in this footnote, I realized I was missing that detail. However, after getting his answer about fear, I then asked him if I was missing anything from my then list of eight emotions which I read to him, and he said I was missing joy.

Initially I was skeptical about this claim of a joy feeling (as far as I know, I haven’t felt joy myself), but after detailed questioning and note taking, I realized a few things: joy is a real feeling that my brother-in-law has felt at different times, and it’s not the same as the happiness feeling. Although he has an allocation for this joy feeling, apparently he has a zero allocation for the happiness feeling, because his idea of the happiness feeling is the same kind of intellectual idea of happiness that I used to have before I got an allocation for the happiness feeling. His idea of happiness is when everything is going well in his life, then he is happy. Fortunately, in sharp contrast to his ignorance about happiness being a real feeling, he has a lot to say about joy being a real feeling.

About the joy feeling, here are my notes which I took during that phone conversation (edited for improved readability and clarity). These notes record my brother-in-law’s answers to my various questions:

Other English words for the joy feeling: elation, thrilled, cloud 9.

Regarding what triggers the joy feeling, he says there are two essential requirements:

  • It has to be something unexpected.
    AND
  • It has to be something good that affects you or someone you love directly, with no downside.

Regarding where joy lies on the pleasure-pain scale, he said it is highly pleasurable, intensely pleasurable. When it triggers, it’s usually a 9 or 10 on the pleasure scale (10 is max pleasure). The better the outcome, and the more unexpected it is, the more intense the joy.

Joy is personal. He hasn’t felt joy for unexpected good things happening to others.

Events in his own life that he remembers as causing him joy:

  • Just today [February 22, 2006], when a traffic ticket was dismissed. (He had to make a court appearance for a moving violation by his car.)

    [I guess the timing of my phone call was fortunate, because even though I didn’t know about the traffic ticket or court appearance when I called, he had felt intense joy earlier that day as a result of that traffic ticket being dismissed. That made it easy for him to realize that I had missed the joy emotion when I read him my then list of eight emotions and asked if I had missed anything.]

  • The first time he won a wrestling match. (In high-school he was on the wrestling team.)

  • The time he got a date with a desirable girl who he thought would turn him down.

  • He was thrilled the first time he skied down a real hill, but it wasn’t that unexpected. (He says he uses the word thrill to mean a joy that is less intense because the outcome was not completely unexpected.)

So, given the above information about the joy feeling, what is its purpose? Initially I was puzzled about its purpose, but it now seems rather obvious to me: The purpose of the joy feeling is to encourage risk taking by rewarding it with the joy feeling when a good outcome results. Apparently, one of the effects of the joy feeling is that it can act as an antidote for the fear feeling, because my brother-in-law, who also has an allocation for fear, said how he felt some fear while skiing down that hill the first time, but he knew that the joy feeling was waiting for him if he succeeded.

In the English language, for those who experience the joy feeling, an often used phrase for it is adrenaline rush, especially when they talk about a physical activity or sport that has an element of physical danger. For those individuals who actively seek the joy feeling from dangerous sports and/or other dangerous physical activities, a common phrase for such persons is adrenaline junkie. Examples of dangerous sports include mountain climbing, mountain biking, skydiving, paragliding, bungee jumping, and kayaking down rapids. Also, at least some adrenaline junkies are drawn to the non-sport activity of riding roller coasters. For example, the following are the notes that I wrote on January 31, 2012, after talking with a 23-year-old woman who said she had ridden roller coasters hundreds of times, and that she had been on more than a dozen different big roller coasters. Her name is Jennifer, and I refer to her in these notes (edited for improved readability and clarity) as Jenn (she was one of the nurses I had helping me care for my father at home after my mother had died; Jenn was very intelligent and I found her very sexually attractive and that is why I talked with her a lot, until I was worn down by her repeated rejections of my advances because, as she repeatedly told me, I was too old, old enough to be her father, and so on; oh well, such is the situation for old men—I was 56 then—young women don’t want us as potential fathers of their future children, which is understandable):

Jenn says she always feels some fear and anxiety when she first gets on a roller coaster, and her fear and anxiety feelings continue while she waits for the roller coaster to start moving (this wait can be as long as a minute or two), and once the roller coaster starts moving, her fear and anxiety feelings are continuing until the roller coaster reaches the first peak, before the first drop-off of that roller-coaster ride; and Jenn says the emotional intensity of her fear and anxiety is at about a medium-high on her intensity scale, from the beginning when she first gets on the roller coaster and continuing until the roller coaster reaches that first peak.

Once the roller coaster is at that first peak and starts its fall downward and picks up speed, it is at that moment when Jenn first starts feeling the joy feeling (Jenn calls it an adrenaline rush), and the intensity of this joy feeling for her is variable during the remainder of that roller-coaster ride, with her intensity peaks occurring at the different loops, twists, and turns.

At the end of the roller-coaster ride, as soon as Jenn is unbuckled and off the roller coaster, and her feet are on the platform alongside the roller coaster, Jenn feels overjoyed (a strong joy feeling).

I don’t really know about the prevalence of the joy feeling in the general population or in the two genders. However, given its purpose to encourage risk taking, it seems likely that, on average, it is more heavily allocated to men than women. Also, as I think about it, on average, men like to gamble more than women, and perhaps in many cases a man who likes to gamble also has an allocation for the joy feeling, and he knows that if he wins against the odds he will get a reward: the joy feeling.

loneliness:

According to my niece, Melanie, the loneliness feeling can be loneliness for the company of others in general, or loneliness for a specific person or kind of person, and, in particular, loneliness for a mate. She said that loneliness is closest to the depression feeling in how it feels, so this means that loneliness is a painful, unpleasant feeling.

Given the very narrow and specific focus of the loneliness feeling, its purpose is very obvious: The purpose of the loneliness feeling is to promote and encourage socialization and mating.

anger:

I have felt anger many times in my life, and I have felt anger at many different intensity levels: ranging from feeling just a little angry, all the way up to feeling so intensely angry that I am almost completely taken over by it and it’s a real struggle for me to retain control over myself. So, I think I have an anger allocation that is at least average for a man of my nationality, and perhaps substantially above average.

Just yesterday (January 22, 2006) I got moderately angry, and after I got home I thought about it a lot, because I was in the middle of writing this footnote about emotions. Here was the triggering cause: I had to drive my mother to a building on the other side of town, and I thought she knew where it was exactly, but it turns out that she didn’t know, and she had me driving around in circles for roughly ten minutes before I got angry about it. In reaction to my own anger, I decided to stop the car and park nearby, with the idea of getting out of the car and just walking into the nearby buildings and asking as needed until we got the right building that she wanted, which is what we did. So, my getting angry served a useful purpose, because it provoked me into changing the current situation of my driving around in circles which was getting us nowhere.

As I thought about it later that day, I realized that anger is similar to depression in that both feelings are expressions of frustration with the current situation. The anger feeling, like the depression feeling, is sent to the awareness with the purpose of provoking the awareness to change the current situation. However, these two different feelings seem to cover different kinds of situations with little overlap, if any, between them.

Regarding what anger feels like, it’s definitely an unpleasant feeling, but not very unpleasant. On the pleasure-pain scale I would have to say that anger, even when I felt extreme anger, was at most only a little painful. Regarding gender difference, anger is more common among men than women. Comparing anger with depression, the low-pain of anger allows one to change the current situation quickly, whereas the immobilizing quality of depression has the opposite effect. Thus, given that anger is more common in men, and depression is more common in women, this adds to the perception of men being active and women being passive.

laughing feeling:

English seems to lack a single word for the feeling that goes along with laughing—I’m using the phrase laughing feeling for this feeling. Note that words like funny, humorous, and comical, refer to things that cause this feeling, but not the feeling itself. The reason English lacks a word for this laughing feeling is basically the same reason English lacks a word for the crying feeling: the close association of that feeling with an easily seen outward action (laughing and crying, respectively). This means that the feeling is implicit depending on the context when one uses words for that outward action. For example, saying “that made me laugh,” implies that one felt the laughing feeling when laughing.

Although English is lacking, there is still a need for being able to refer to the laughing feeling directly, and likewise for the crying feeling, because one can have that feeling without its associated outward action, as I know from my own experience. For example, I can feel that something is funny—feeling the laughing feeling—without actually laughing about it, although sometimes I do laugh: The more intense the laughing feeling is, the more impetus there is to laugh. However, at less intense levels, the laughing feeling can result in just a smile or perhaps some chuckling, or no outward show at all.

Like anger, the laughing feeling is a feeling that I have a lot of experience with. I think I have a laughing-feeling allocation that’s about average for a man of my nationality. On the pleasure-pain scale the laughing feeling is mildly pleasurable. Perhaps you’ve heard the expression that goes like this: “I laughed so hard that it hurt.” Well, that has happened to me at least a few times in my life, and the pain referred to is just ordinary body pain caused by the physical strain of prolonged, hard laughing. The laughing feeling itself is never painful.

The laughing feeling has a purpose, of course, so what is its purpose? Arthur Schopenhauer said that finding something funny involves detecting a misapprehension. My Webster’s dictionary defines misapprehension as a failure to interpret correctly; a misunderstanding. I remember analyzing Schopenhauer’s explanation after I first learned about it, back in my mid-twenties: I analyzed examples of things I found funny, and I could see that Schopenhauer’s explanation was correct. Thus, the purpose of the laughing feeling is to signal the awareness that there is a misapprehension (and the existence of a misapprehension is also signaled to others who see or hear oneself laughing).

In preparation for writing about the laughing feeling, for the last few days I’ve been paying attention to things I found funny. For example, in a fansubbed non-anime Japanese-TV romance-comedy series that I downloaded and was watching in 2006, here was a scene I found moderately funny: The main character is in a room with several of his friends, and after a setup which I’ve already forgotten, we see him ranting and raving to his friends a completely wrong understanding of something that happened in the previous scene. Of course, for the audience to find that misapprehension funny, we have to be shown in advance what the correct interpretation is—this was done in previous scenes—so that we know with certainty that that main character has gotten things completely wrong. This comedic strategy was used several times in that romance-comedy: The main character was set up for a misunderstanding, but the audience is given the correct interpretation in advance, and then we see that main character emphatically voicing his misunderstanding to others.

A misapprehension can happen in many different ways. For example, an expectation that proves to be wrong is one kind of misapprehension. Last night I watched an anime that had the following scene that I found funny: The main character is told by a second character that he has to join an ongoing battle taking place in a nearby park (these two characters are watching the battle on a video screen). The main character agrees with that suggestion, and the next thing we see is a rocket that out-of-nowhere springs up from the floor, closes around that main character, and then flies him away while he yells and acts surprised at what is happening. I was surprised too, and I laughed a bit. Of course, I was simply using my own expectation for how that main character was going to get to that park, and my expectation did not include a rocket. Thus, I was laughing at my own misapprehension, which was also the misapprehension of that main character, since he was yelling and acting surprised.

This comedic strategy of an expectation that proves to be wrong, has been excessively overused when it comes to exploiting the expectations that we all have of how people move the parts of their body. For example, in past years on USA TV, I have seen way too many exaggerated physical movements for me to still laugh at such things. The already mentioned Japanese romance-comedy series, had several such attempts at humor. For example, one scene had two guys in an office spreading out on the floor many pages from a report they had to prepare. Then we see another character walk into that office, and without seeing those pages he starts to walk on them until he is loudly told to get off, at which point we see him react with wildly exaggerated movements, trying to get off those pages on the floor, with the end result that he makes a complete mess of them. I guess if I hadn’t already seen that kind of joke—wild exaggerated movements—a thousand times before on USA TV, I might have laughed at it.

In addition to the above examples, a few days ago during my web browsing I came across a joke that made me laugh out loud even though I was in a room by myself. The joke was part of the write-up for a fund-raising auction of a single t-shirt by the file-sharing guys who run The Pirate Bay, which is located in Sweden. The winning bidder has to fly to Sweden at his own expense to collect the t-shirt, but he gets to meet, talk, and have drinks with The Pirate Bay crew. The joke was in the form of a question-answer pair, with a quasi-serious question being answered with a pseudo-serious joke as follows:

Q: If I were to win this shirt, and fly out to see you, wouldn’t you then, in return, have to fly back to visit me to keep your ratio at 1:1?

A: Actually, we would have to travel and visit several people (especially your sister) as we prefer to keep our ratio well above 1.

This question-answer pair has several misapprehensions in it, all of which are deliberate: The first misapprehension is that both the question and answer parts treat the file-sharing upload-download ratio as if it also applies to visits between people. The second misapprehension (in the answer part) turns the idea of reciprocal visits between people (introduced by the question part) into the idea of the guys from The Pirate Bay showing up to have sex with the questioner’s sister. So, this question-answer pair has a real one-two punch in terms of misapprehensions, with the first misapprehension in the question part serving as the setup for an even bigger misapprehension in the answer part. Well, anyway, it certainly made me laugh.

crying feeling:

The crying feeling, which I have already described in a previous footnote, is a neutral feeling that is neither painful nor pleasant. In terms of its purpose, the crying feeling is like the laughing feeling: both feelings signal something to the awareness, and also to the awareness of others when one outwardly does the action that is closely associated with that feeling. For the laughing feeling, that action is laughing; for the crying feeling, that action is crying or becoming teary eyed. The laughing feeling signals detection of a misapprehension, but the crying feeling is harder to pin down regarding what it is signaling, because, based on my own experience with the crying feeling, it has many different triggering causes, including good things, and also bad things.

It seems that most humans starts out with a substantial allocation for the crying feeling, because most babies will cry as a signal to others when hungry, or in pain, or experiencing discomfort. Small children are also prone to crying, especially when they suffer physical hurt or injury. For a typical person, probably no later than puberty, at least some of that crying-feeling allocation is reallocated elsewhere, and the things that trigger the crying feeling also change, at least to some extent. In my own case, from my teen years onward, considering how rarely I felt the crying feeling, it seems that by my early teens at the latest, most of my previous allocation for the crying feeling had been reallocated elsewhere.

From my teen years onward, prior to the large decline in my ambition and sexual interest at age 48½ and the consequent reallocation which included a large increase in my crying-feeling allocation, I had only cried or felt like crying four times in my life, and each time it was about something very bad.

However, after that large increase in my crying-feeling allocation, I have felt the crying feeling many times, sometimes also becoming teary eyed or crying a little, when watching certain things in Japanese anime and non-anime shows. As a rule, at least in my own case, triggering causes seem to be almost exclusively moments when either family togetherness wins against obstacles, or friendship wins against obstacles, or lovers win against obstacles. These are good things that I have the crying feeling for, in sharp contrast to when I had a much smaller allocation for the crying feeling and only certain very bad things were sufficient to trigger that crying feeling.

Based on my own experience with the crying feeling, and also after thinking about examples of when others cry, it appears that the crying feeling is signaling to the awareness that the unconscious mind considers the triggering cause as something important that affects survival within a community. Thus, the purpose of the crying feeling is ultimately to promote community development and stability. Typically, the community is some local community of two or more people, such as family, friends, lovers, fellow workers (a workplace community), and so on.

The neutrality of the crying feeling, being neither painful nor pleasant, is consistent with that feeling being triggered by both good things (things that promote survival within a community), and bad things (things that work against survival within a community). Note that it would be inconsistent if the crying feeling were painful when triggered by a good thing, and likewise inconsistent if the crying feeling were pleasant when triggered by a bad thing. Thus, it’s appropriate that the crying feeling is neither painful nor pleasant.

sadness:

Given Melanie’s list of triggering causes for the sadness feeling (see the previous footnote), it appears that the common element is a loss of some kind. So, Melanie has felt sad over different kinds of personal loss, including such things as loss of physical possessions, loss of trust (betrayal by strangers and friends), loss of social standing (embarrassment, poor grades), loss of normal physical appearance (being overweight, having acne), loss of normal body integrity (suffering an injury), loss of pets (deaths), loss of freedom (lack of money), loss of other people (deaths), and loss of physical comfort (being cold).

So, the sadness feeling is a signal to the awareness that there has been a loss of some kind, and its ultimate purpose is to encourage the awareness to make decisions that will tend to avoid or lessen future losses. According to my niece, sadness is always painful. This is consistent with the sadness feeling always signaling something bad.

Sadness is an emotion that, on average, women have more than men. Regarding this gender difference, I recall a quote from a fansubbed non-anime Japanese-TV drama series that I recently downloaded and watched in 2006:

Women choose life, and men choose death.

The context for the above quote was the following: A high-school girl is in love with her math teacher, and he is in love with her, but he has a brain tumor that will soon kill him, and he is against having a low-chance-for-success operation that could keep him alive but leave him with serious brain damage and resulting mental losses. So, he’s against having the operation, but in the end, when he is close to death, his girlfriend, along with an older woman, successfully work together to get him to agree to have the operation (this older woman is the one who says the above quote). The story ends with hints of a final happy post-operation outcome in which the two lovers are ultimately together again.

So, what does this quote have to do with the sadness feeling? Well, if one has an allocation for the sadness feeling, sadness is something to be avoided, because sadness is a painful feeling. My niece was saddened by death. So, on that basis alone, she would be inclined to choose life-preserving actions for someone close to her, because she knows from her own experience that death makes her sad. The above quote was memorable to me because upon hearing it I realized I was thinking like a man, since in the same situation I would choose death too. Since I have never felt sadness myself, I haven’t had the kind of pro-life reinforcement that Melanie has had as a result of her being saddened by death.

anxiety:

In the course of writing this footnote, after I had written the text for the nine emotions listed above, I asked the same friend who more than a year previously had made the point that fear had a purpose, if there was any emotion I had missed. He suggested anxiety, and he made it sound like a real feeling which in his case happens in certain social situations in which he gets this anxiety feeling and wants to flee the scene. Thus, the apparent purpose of this anxiety feeling is to encourage avoidance of certain social situations that pose some kind of difficulty for that person.

I haven’t felt anxiety myself, at least not an intense anxiety like he has sometimes felt, although I do remember having been nervous a few times in my teens when facing certain social situations I didn’t want. For example, I remember that in high-school there were a few times when everyone in the class had to prepare and give a talk to the whole class about some subject approved by the teacher, and I always felt nervous right before having to give my talk. I guess feeling nervous in a social situation is an example of the anxiety feeling.

Regarding anxiety’s place on the pleasure-pain scale, it has to lie on the pain side, because feeling nervous is unpleasant. Presumably, the more intense the anxiety feeling, the worse it feels. Regarding gender difference, it seems that, on average, the anxiety feeling is more heavily allocated to women than men, because displays of high anxiety levels, including such things as so-called panic attacks, seem to be more common among women than men.

For the ten emotions listed above, seven emotions—depression, happiness, fear, loneliness, the crying feeling, sadness, and anxiety—are each, on average, more heavily allocated to women than men, and the other three emotions—anger, joy, and the laughing feeling—are each, on average, more heavily allocated to men than women.

Some readers may wonder why I didn’t include love in the above list of emotions (specifically, I mean love between men and women, the underlying purpose of which is to bring forth new children). The reason is that there is no specific unique feeling associated with being in love. In other words, one doesn’t know that one’s in love by virtue of having the love feeling, because there is no specific love feeling. Instead, being in love is typically characterized by such things as thinking a lot about the loved one, and being strongly attracted to that loved one. (As an aside about love: In my latter twenties I read a magazine article in which the author remarked that everyone falls in love 2½ times in their life, and she was basing this on her own experience and the experience of her friends. I have long since forgotten what that article was about, but that remark about falling in love 2½ times has been memorable for me, because it was also true in my own case: I had fallen in love a total of three different times—three different females—and my last time was only about half as intense as the first two times. I am now much older than when I read that article, but that ½ love I had in my early mid-twenties is still the last time I was in love. I guess the reason the last love is less intense is because it’s a transition from full love to no love.)

With a baby born to parents, comes the parent-child bond, and a different context in which the word love is often used in the English language. However, there is no specific unique feeling associated with a mother or father having love for their child, or with a child having love for his or her parents. Instead, when a need for help is involved, this love is characterized by one being inwardly compelled by one’s unconscious mind to help one’s child, or parent, who needs help; and the strength of this inward compulsion—given how intensely a given person can feel this inward compulsion which depends on that person and also surrounding circumstances—is roughly proportional to the perceived importance and urgency of the help needed. The most common example is a baby or young child dependent on, and in need of help, from his or her parents, since we all start off in life as completely dependent, helpless babies. A less common example is the case of an independent grown child who finds himself inwardly compelled to help his elderly parents as they become increasingly dependent and helpless due to complications of advancing old age—I experienced this myself beginning in early 2006 and continuing for years afterwards up until their respective deaths. The more my parents needed help from me, the more I found that I wanted to help them; I was inwardly compelled by my unconscious mind to help them. Early on in my care of my parents, I realized that the parent-child bond is completely symmetric: not only is a parent inwardly compelled to help his or her dependent baby or child, but this same inward compulsion drives a child to help his or her parent if and when that parent needs help. The primary purpose of the parent-child bond is to bring help as needed between a parent and child; and, which one, parent or child, currently needs help, can change over the course of time. Regarding being inwardly compelled by one’s unconscious mind to help one’s child or parent when help is needed, it certainly appears that, on average, women are more inwardly compelled than men. And, given the gender basis of the three races (section 9.2), it follows that the african race is least inwardly compelled, the oriental race is most inwardly compelled, and the caucasian race is in-between (my study of the three races confirms this).

Regarding emotions, the same argument used to reject love as an emotion, being the lack of a specific unique feeling, can be used to reject other things that one might otherwise think of as being an emotion. For example, hate is not an emotion because there is no specific unique feeling associated with hating something or someone. Anger is probably the one emotion that people will most often associate with hate, but anger is not hate. If one has an allocation for anger, one may perhaps feel anger at different times against some hated object. However, one could truthfully say that they hate someone or something even if they never feel anger towards that hated object, because hate is an intellectual judgment in the sense of being a statement of strong opposition or rejection.

In addition to love and hate, by using the same argument none of the following are emotions either: pride, kindness, gratitude, appreciation, veneration, despair, hope, cowardice, bravery, jealousy, envy, affection, and friendship. Others can add to this list of non-emotions, since it’s not complete.

Regarding feelings, in addition to the body-feelings category, and the emotions category, another category is the other-feelings category which is a catchall for any feeling that is neither a body feeling nor an emotion. More specifically, other than body feelings and emotions, any feeling that serves as a signal from the unconscious mind to the awareness—alerting the awareness to whatever it is that one is having that feeling about—that feeling can be put in this other-feelings category. This category includes such miscellaneous items as the following (if I’ve left anything out that belongs in this list, feel free to add it):

  • intuition and so-called hunches or gut feelings;

  • the feeling that you have forgotten something without being able to consciously remember what exactly it is that you have forgotten;

  • the feeling that something is different from what you remember, without consciously knowing what exactly is different. For example, feeling that a person you haven’t seen in a while is different, without consciously knowing what is different (perhaps that person’s hair was cut or colored differently, or something like that).

[158] Regarding gender and the physical body, Ian Stevenson’s book, Where Reincarnation and Biology Intersect (op. cit.), left me with the impression that it’s typical for a person to have many human lives in a row as the same gender (man or woman), before eventually switching to the opposite gender. Typically, somewhere between ten to forty human lives being the same gender, before switching. This is my crude estimate based on the limited, relevant data given in his book. Note that this typically long time of ten to forty human lives before an awareness/mind switches to having the other gender’s physical body, is not a problem for the construction of that new physical body, because the awareness/mind that passes from one human life to the next—with the afterlife in-between—is not responsible for constructing its human body. Instead, cell-controlling bions construct the human body.

Stevenson’s book details about half-a-dozen reincarnation cases where the child was the opposite gender in its remembered previous life (for example, a girl remembering her previous life as a man). In these cases that Stevenson details, typically for that child there is some significant carryover from the previous life in terms of that child’s attitudes and preferences, the most common of which (based on those cases in his book) is a preference for wearing the opposite gender’s clothing (for example, a girl who remembers being a man in her previous life, wanting to dress like a boy). Perhaps this cross-dressing preference is primarily due to that child wanting to identify with its remembered previous life, or perhaps it’s primarily due to that child’s current allocation plan, or perhaps both factors are contributing to that child’s cross-dressing preference. Most children, of course, have no conscious memory of their previous human life. So, for most children, even if they were the opposite gender in their previous life, they are probably less likely, on average, to want to cross-dress than those children who actually remember their previous life as the opposite gender.

Assuming it’s typical to have many human lives in a row as the same gender, and then switch to having many human lives in a row as the opposite gender, it seems reasonable to suppose that there will be some kind of carryover when one has many lives in a row with a man’s body, and then switches to having a woman’s body. And likewise, some kind of carryover when one has many lives in a row with a woman’s body, and then switches to having a man’s body.

Define the switch life as being either the first life in a man’s body after many lives in a row in a woman’s body, or the first life in a woman’s body after many lives in a row in a man’s body. Probably the most significant carryover for one’s switch life, in terms of its affect on that switch life, is the current detail of one’s sexual mind-part and its associated data that identifies what one is sexually attracted to.

The allocation plan that one has for the switch life will determine how strongly one feels sexual attraction when a young adult. In general, the bigger the allocation to the sexual mind-part, the more strongly one will experience sexual desire and attraction. However, the size of the allocation to the sexual mind-part does not determine what one is sexually attracted to. Instead, what one is sexually attracted to is dependent on the detail of one’s sexual mind-part and its associated data that identifies what one is sexually attracted to. After thinking about it, and weighing the evidence, I’ve concluded that what one is sexually attracted to has three components:

  • The carryover from one’s most recent previous human life, in terms of what one found sexually attractive in that life.

  • In the current human life, what one learns from family, society, and direct experience, regarding the sexes, sexual differences, and sexual compatibility.

  • What Schopenhauer said, that each person has within himself a mental model of what the physical body of an ideal person should look like. And the extent to which that person’s own physical body deviates from that internal model, that is the extent to which that person will find correcting or offsetting physical qualities attractive in the opposite sex.

In my own case, since puberty, I have only found the opposite sex (females) to be sexually attractive. Many years later when I thought about it, I concluded that my being sexually attracted to females was inborn, because it was there from the beginning and I didn’t have to learn it. Thinking about it now, I believe that that “inborn” quality was simply a carryover from my most recent previous human life, in which I had a man’s body. Also, assuming it is normal to have at least ten lives in a row as the same gender, then it’s likely that my most recent previous human life was not a switch life, and my sexual mind-part has already had more than enough time to fully learn how to identify what I am sexually attracted to, which is women in their late teens to early thirties (in my teens after puberty, I was sexually attracted to girls my own age). However, when I have my next switch life, having a woman’s body, my sexual mind-part will still, in effect, be programmed to find females sexually attractive, and that “inborn” quality will probably make me a lesbian, at least initially until my experiences in that switch life, and, if necessary, additional experiences in the first one or two human lifetimes after that switch life, teach me to find men sexually attractive instead of women (in effect, reprogramming my sexual mind-part to find the then currently opposite sex attractive, instead of what would then be the same sex).

Given the above regarding carryover, consider the following four human groups:

  • continuing-male: Having a man’s body in both the current life and at least the five most recent previous lives.

  • continuing-female: Having a woman’s body in both the current life and at least the five most recent previous lives.

  • switched-to-male: Having a man’s body in the current life, and a woman’s body in at least the five most recent previous lives.

  • switched-to-female: Having a woman’s body in the current life, and a man’s body in at least the five most recent previous lives.

Due to carryover, the rates of homosexuality and bisexuality will be much higher in the switched-to-male and switched-to-female groups, compared to the continuing-male and continuing-female groups. Of the four groups, continuing-female is the most feminine, and continuing-male is the most masculine.

Note that the biggest problem caused for oneself by switching genders, which is being sexually attracted to the same gender instead of the opposite gender, is probably an underlying reason for why it is typical for humans to have many lives in a row as the same gender, and why the percentage of homosexuals is always small in the total human population. However, people do eventually switch genders, perhaps because one eventually gets bored with being the same gender all the time.